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“Lord, my heart is not lifted up, my eyes are not raised too high;
I do not occupy myself with things too great and too marvelous for me.
But I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with its mother;
my soul is like the weaned child that is with me. O Israel, hope in the Lord
from this time on and forevermore. –– Psalm 131
I heard a seminary professor repeat the idea often enough that it remains the clearest memory I’ve retained from the class –– We live on the border between that which we make, shape, and control; and that which makes, shapes, and controls us. Though I may acknowledge that and affirm that, I too often fail to be conscious of that as I go about my day. The fuel of much human striving seems to be the innate desire to control the whatevers and whoevers that enter our radar. When the airport gate agent invites group 4 to board the plane, we are sliding and sneaking toward the prime spot from which to pounce when they announce Group 5. I am regularly reaching behind the first box on the grocery store shelf, knowing that the damaged or dated item is always placed in the front. Our cars, homes, blankets, and mattresses offer temperature zones to mediate spousal disagreements over what constitutes comfort. Do you remember the apple pie in When Harry Met Sally? “But I'd like the pie heated, and I don't want the ice cream on top, I want it on the side, and I'd like strawberry instead of vanilla if you have it. If not, then no ice cream, just whipped cream but only if it's real. If it's out of a can, then nothing.” Like Sally in the classic rom-com, we are big on maintaining control over what, how, and when we are served. We fret over seating arrangements when we wed and leave behind spreadsheets detailing the dos and don’ts when we die. We like gift givers who include receipts, thus putting in our hands the freedom to manage sizing, color, and style (that groaning you hear is my wife as she rolls her eyes).
Our impulse to master our environment has provided for invaluable scientific discovery and medical treatment. Yet, successes tempt us to believe there are no limits to our capacity to make, shape, and control. Unfortunately, such a belief contradicts the very purpose of Creation, and that is to be in relationship. Much of our angst in life derives from the failure of people, events, and situations to fit in the boxes we have made for them. Much conflict arises when others declare, whether aggressively or passive-aggressively, that they choose not to fit in the boxes into which we are shoving them. To state it plainly, control freaks are bound for frustration. Sometimes there are answers we are not meant to possess, mysteries that refuse to be solved, and people who cannot or will not bend to our expectations. Sometimes … many times … most of the time, it is more important to trust than it is to control. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”
Our role is not passive, though. Before we make, shape, and control, it is of great consequence that we consider the One who makes and shapes us. Thus, before we act, react, speak, or grasp, the wise measure is to listen. I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with its mother; my soul is like the weaned child that is with me. O Israel, hope in the Lord from this time on and forevermore.
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