Dreams are free but actualizing them is costly. 

Nearly every person reading this can agree.

You’re here.

You’ve taken out the loans, you’ve signed agreements for government service in exchange for school fees, or you’ve had difficult conversations with family.

You’ve put off dating, marriage, or starting a family.

You’ve extended your identity of ‘student’ while your age-mates are enjoying a stable income and free weekends. You have, in some part, allowed studying to become your job—for now.

We cannot pretend that this is all fun and games—for many of us, this is neither fun nor a game. There is a lot riding on your success here at McGovern medical school.

In the month of February, we think it is important to take time to count the cost of pursuing dreams. February is Black History month—a time in which we remember, commemorate, and educate ourselves on both the dreams and costs of said dreams for their dreamers. This is not a piece on the gravity of the dreams they held, as the word count does not allow for such an endeavor. We suggest reading up on the Black dreamers that built America. Think about what their dreams cost them and ponder on what would be different about our nation if they did not think their dreams were worth the cost.

Then think about your dreams. Maybe a major one has been becoming a doctor.

Often the gap between this dream and its reality is scary. Sit with that. You shouldn’t deny the reality of your limitations. Sometimes you’re emotionally and financially dried up. We’re not here to tell you that this is okay, either. Of course, things can and should change regarding the hurdles we face to become effective care providers.

And maybe we can effect such change. Maybe we can continue on this path that demands financial, social, and academic discipline and take the lessons we’ve learned from our time here to speak with a confident and informed voice.

As you’ve probably guessed, the person writing this is a student, themselves. There’s no powerful slam dunk of wisdom to be given in this piece—just the truth that your sacrifices are seen. We’re here with you. And when we look down at the road we walk on—partly paved by those ahead of us and still unfinished, we rest in a hope that the sacrifices we make to add to its progression are worth it.

Losing Ground

“There are times when the white critic must sit down and listen. If he cannot listen and learn, then he must not concern himself with black creativity”- Bill Gunn, ‘To Be a Black Artist’

The American film canon has yet to contend with the masterstrokes of Kathleen Collins’ Losing Ground. It’s a miracle of a debut, which makes its cultural absence all the more startling, particularly for the fact that Collins was one of the first Black women to write and direct a feature-length. Although it was first shown to audiences in 1982, it never received distribution for a theatrical release after its success in the film festival circuits. Such a fate in obscurity could never do for what should be recognized as an American independent classic. 

This under recognition is felt in the relationship between Losing Ground’s principal characters— Sara, a professor of philosophy and her husband Victor, whom she describes as “an abstract painter who now only wants to paint people”. This one line provides a pointed summation for a film about infidelity, but like with any great work, to merely describe it as such would be reductive of its texture. In only 85 minutes, Collins pulls us through philosophical discussions of Sartre and Kant, only to then break with form as sharply as holding up a viewfinder to your eye through its latter showcase of a student filmmaking project (Sara playing the “tragic mulatto"). It’s a film overflowing with art from all sorts of mediums. And I have not even mentioned the inclusion of Salsa dance. But what situates all these twirling threads of a story is Sara. Despite her identity as a black woman being called into question through many facets of her life, she finds her strength made manifest as an actor. It’s an actualization of her academic thesis in spiritual ecstasy. It’s black womanhood, without deferment to anyone or anything. With a gun in hand and an outfit befitting myth, she collapses reality and fiction in one sure shot. 



I cannot recommend it enough. Here’s a link for ease of access: 

Losing Ground | Full Classic Drama Movie | Kino Cult

Who are you outside of being a medical student? When was the last time you checked in with yourself? When was the last time you made a to-do list that was filled with self-development task? When was the last time you felt deserving of a break and granted yourself permission to take one without feeling guilty? When was the last time you made time for your hobbies? How often do you read a book or participate in conversations that are not medically related? What matters to you today? This is a paragraph full of questions to assess whether you are finding ways to check-in and show up for yourself. If you’re like me, you’re great at showing up for others but find it a challenge to show up for yourself without feeling guilty.  

Throughout my medical school journey, I had the tendency to focus on the next “checkpoint” and create unrealistic to-do lists. My goal was to perform well academically and ensure that I was a competitive residency applicant. While the goal is understandable, it did not allow me to be kind to myself. If, I could do medical school all over again, I would challenge myself to exist in the present moment, be attentive to my needs, ask for assistance, and express compassion towards myself just as much as I do towards others. If you’re reading this, I challenge you to say something kind to yourself every day before rolling out of bed, periodically add resting or your hobbies to your to-do list and grant yourself permission to be human. I want you to recognize that you are important and prioritizing your wellbeing is key to enjoying this journey. I promise you will make it to the finish line so just allow yourself to be present and kind yourself today.

| Ashley Henderson, MS4

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