JOKES
Youth is when you're allowed to stay up for New Year's. Middle age is when you're forced to.
What is a New Year's resolution? Something that goes in one year and out the other.
What's the worst part of jogging on New Year's Eve? The ice falling out of your drink!
My New Year's resolution was to drop my bad habits, but no one likes a quitter.
What was Dr. Frankenstein’s new year’s resolution? To make new friends.
A man asks his buddy for a cigarette. His friend quips, “I thought you made a New Year's resolution and that you don’t smoke.” The man replied, “I'm in phase one of quitting." Confused, his friend asked, "Phase one?" The man laughed, "Yes. I've quit buying."
May all your troubles last as long as your New Year's resolutions.
An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New Year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.
A man who had too much to drink decides to walk home on New Year's Eve. A policeman stopped the man and asked where he was going. "I'm on my way to a lecture," the man replied. The cop scoffed, "Who gives lectures on New Year's Eve?" The man answered: "My wife."
I made a New Year's resolution to stop procrastinating, but I'm going to wait until next year to start.
Why should you stand on just your left foot during the New Year's Eve countdown? So you start the New Year on the right foot.
This New Year’s, I’m going to make a resolution I can keep: no dieting all year long.
Why was 6 afraid of 9 on New Year's Eve?
Because 9, 8, 7 ...
This new year i resolve to be less awsome since that's really the only thing i do in excess
At the beginning of this year I made a New Year's resolution to lose 10 pounds ...
... Only 15 more to go!
My New Year's resolution is to break my New Year's resolutions.
That way I succeed at something!
Every New Year's Eve, I look forward to a good show at Time's Square ...
... and year after year, they drop the ball.