Regret Is Forever
Psychological studies have recently reminded us of what we already knew: regret is like battery acid on the soul. Having regret over what could have been or might have been or should have been is destructive.
Hardly a day goes by when we don't hear “let go of the past" or "don't feel regret.” It is much easier said than done. People who post variations of that saying online often do so to make themselves feel good. A poster seen on Facebook or Twitter or Instagram will do nothing except remind us of what we wanted to forget!
We think, “If we could,
we would
.” Fair enough. So, here are a few considerations to help you. I should add there is always professional help, should you need it. There is no shame in seeking support.
You’re Not Alone.
Look around.
Whether you’re on a bus, flying on an airplane
, in a coffee shop or at a baseball game, everyone you see, hear or talk to has at least one regret or one list of regrets or an entire book of regrets. You’re not unique in that respect. Chances are, others have struggled with regrets worse than yours. I am not minimizing your pain, only pointing out that regret is part of the human condition. It may not heal you to know that, but at least take comfort that you have lots of company.
Turn The Page.
There may be people in your life who take great delight in always making you feel bad over something you deeply regret.
I assume you’ve apologized
. Perhaps you’ve apologized many times. At some point, walk away from them or at least minimize any contact with them. They only want to hurt you, which inevitably will not serve you well.
Apply Wisdom.
Would you be willing to agree that even the worst mistakes offer teachable moments? The regrets we have accumulated in life were often caused not so much by our foolhardiness but by a lack of understanding. Your regrets are valuable tools to help equip you as a brother, sister, friend, parent, grandparent, aunt or uncle. We go into most situations with our eyes open, and we usually hope for the best, not the worst. But life can get in the way of our hopes, dreams and plans. Most of us would never want to make the same mistake again. Learn the lesson and apply wisdom.
Life Isn’t A Hallmark Movie.
Many people who prefer to live life in regret occasionally compare themselves to movie or television plots where love always wins or good times often prevail, or at the very least everyone seems to overcome everything. The person who is fixated on personal may view such plots and say, “Why can’t my life be like that?” Here’s a hint: in virtually no case is anyone’s life like that. Sitcoms are fiction, reality TV is heavily edited, and actors carry the same regrets as everyone else. Be entertained, but don’t be deceived.
Second Chances.
Mistakes are a great way of getting it right the next time. No matter our age, we owe it to ourselves to live more for today, never about yesterday, and to believe in tomorrow’s possibilities. Because you had an awful time on your last vacation is no predictor of how tomorrow’s journey will go. Because you swore off dating due to a rocky relationship is no surety that tomorrow won’t bring happiness.
No Time Machines.
Except for the annual adjustment for Daylight Saving Time, we don’t go back in time. We never go back in time. If you failed to tell someone you loved them in 1989, regretting and reliving it tomorrow won’t get you any closer. And if that person could come back for an hour, he or she would undoubtedly tell you to live your life. For, in the end, that's all any of us can really do: move forward and, when you fall, get back up.
There are always going to be things you look back on and wish you did differently, but those choices made you exactly who you are today. Fear is temporary.
Regret is forever.
