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Question:
I recently lost my mom and started saying Kaddish for her. I joined a local Chabad, which embraced me with open arms, and I’m so thankful for that. I just found out that we don’t say Kaddish the entire year, just 11 months. Is that true? And if yes, why?
Answer:
First, I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. Surely your mom is very proud of your saying Kaddish in her memory.
To respond to your question: Yes, Ashkenazi Jews generally say Kaddish for eleven months. Let’s take a closer look at the Mourner’s Kaddish to understand this.
The Reason for Kaddish
Children say Kaddish to assist the souls of their parents through divine judgment and ease their transition to the World to Come.The Talmud tells us that “the judgment of the wicked in purgatory lasts for 12 months.”2 So it makes sense to recite Kaddish for a full twelve months, right?
However, the common Ashkenazic custom is to recite it one day shy of eleven months. So, for example, if the yahrtzeit is on the 10th of Shevat, Kaddish is recited until the final (afternoon) prayer on 9 Shevat.
We do this because if Kaddish were said for the full 12 months, it would give the impression that we consider our parents to be sinners and therefore deserving of maximum cleansing time.
Since saying Kaddish for even part of the final month would be seen as saying Kaddish for 12 months (based on the halachic principle that part of a day, month or year can be considered to be the entire period of time), we make sure to stop before the 12th month begins.
Kaddish for the Righteous & the Sephardic Custom
Now, Kaddish is also beneficial for those who need no cleansing, helping them climb to even higher spiritual vistas. That’s why we say Kaddish for even the most righteous individuals, and we say Kaddish on the yahrtzeit (anniversary of passing), when we can safely assume that the time in Gehinnom (Purgatory) has already had its desired effect.
This is also one of the reasons why the common Sephardic custom is to say Kaddish for almost the full 12 months—stopping a week before the first anniversary of passing.
The Angels Are Listening
This raises a question: If Kaddish is also beneficial for the righteous, why don’t Ashkenazim say it for longer?
The answer is found in a fascinating Midrash:
When a person departs from this world, the Holy One, Blessed Be He, says to the ministering angels: “See what the people are saying [about the deceased], ‘he was honest,’ ‘he was G‑d fearing…,’ etc.”
This tells us that how we speak of the departed and how we relate to their actions during their time on earth is scrutinized. In this spirit, Ashkenazim avoid saying Kaddish for a length of time that might cast the departed in a negative light.
Are There Exceptions?
What if your parent asks that Kaddish be said for the full 12 months? Or what if you believe that they were wicked and truly need the extra boost?
Speak to a rabbi, as it may indeed be appropriate in these unusual cases to say Kaddish for the full 12 months.
May we merit the day when there will be no more death and when we will once again be reunited with our loved ones, with the coming of the Moshiach, when we will be reunited with our loved ones!
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