It was not my finest parenting moment. One of my children, who shall remain nameless, couldn’t complete a task I asked of them. This task might have been a bit of a stretch, but it should have been within their abilities. I was met with resistance and eventually, once we were both dysregulated, the child abandoned the task completely, and I walked away expressing a lot of frustration. I blurted out to Daniel, “What is going to become of them?! Are they destined to live a life without meaning? Are they going to end up alone and unengaged in the world?” And right when one might want their partner to be the calm and rational voice, Daniel responded, “I worry about that all the time!”

In the same way I wear both a professional and parent hat while at Pressman, I also wear two hats when I am parenting. When I see my child struggling, when a teacher calls to share that one of my children made a mistake, or when Daniel and I are making decisions about whether we should sign someone up for another after school activity, I can see clearly through my educator lens while, often simultaneously, feeling anxiety through my parent lens. Like I did that day at home, parent me worries copiously about my children’s futures. I fret about the kinds of human beings they are growing into, whether we are giving them the right skills, providing the best opportunities, and setting them up to succeed in high school and college and in their eventual careers. 

More and more, the stories I’m hearing and the behaviors I’m seeing from fellow parents tell me that I am not alone in feeling these acute anxieties. The stakes feel higher than ever: college admission more competitive, living in Los Angeles more expensive, social media more pernicious, political discourse more polarized and corrosive. It’s all very heavy for a parent to bear.

And yet, with my professional hat on, I can unhook from the anxiety and know it’s going to be ok. I can see that I am in fact providing my kids with love and structure and connection and opportunities for independence, and I can recognize that I will continue to support them as they grow and as their needs change. Through my educator lens I can see that the essential work is to root children in this wobbly world, and this is the topic I want to explore with you this year.

The image of rooting children in a wobbly world has been playing in my brain since July, and this idea feels more essential than ever. If we think of our children as trees, they grow, and each year they branch out a little bit more. They flower and they flourish. But while they are growing up and out, they are also growing down, and our job as parents and as educators is to help them grow their roots as deep and as strong as possible. The deeper and stronger we can make those roots, the more solid our children will be as the winds blow from all directions. Because the winds will come - that’s just part of being a tree, hanging out in the world! The trick is to be able to bend with those gusts while still staying whole, without getting taken down.

So how do we root our children? There are of course myriad answers to this question, but Pressman Academy has a definite point of view. We do it through physical wellness - sleep and nutrition and physical movement. We do it through social and emotional wellness - teaching our children how to regulate when they feel bumped out. We do it through value-based parenting, as we make intentional decisions about our routines and structures. We do it by teaching our children how to be mensches and supporting them in making the world a better place. We do it through tradition and Jewish ritual. And we do it through connection, so that children know, more than anything, that they matter to their families and their community.

The next morning, after my child and I had both had a good night’s sleep and regulated, I sat with them, looked them in the eye, and apologized for how I had reacted. I heard their concerns. I offered them three solutions, all of which were acceptable to me. We moved forward in a way that connected us, that reinforced our family’s values, and that, ultimately, taught them a lesson in how we can navigate the world when tasks are tricky. I used the moment to root my child in our family, in our community and in our values, knowing the next time the winds of challenge blow, they still might bend but they won't break. And I walked away remembering that the antidote to my parenting anxiety is not to fret over their future, but rather to center myself in our values and my core beliefs about raising children.

I am incredibly proud to be part of a community that believes that deeply rooted children will grow into the kinds of human beings we want to see in the world, and I am excited to explore how we actually do the work of growing these roots in these newsletters. And as always, please feel free to share your thoughts and questions with me - because when we do this work together, our children are not only rooted down, but they’re part of a whole entire unmovable grove.