News from Jude Bijou and Attitude Reconstruction™      


Joy, Love, and Peace for 2019

Attitiude Reconstruction.


Rainbow over Santa Barbara Marina          Jeff Swaim
February 2019                                                      More Peace Please!   

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Upcoming FREE Communication Class  Saturday April 27, 2019
Santa Barbara
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Jude Bijou 
Jude Bijou MA MFT is a respected psychotherapist, professional educator, and workshop leader. Her multi award- winning book is a practical and spiritual handbook to help you create the life you desire.  

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"For goodness' sake, rest in peace."

"Sometimes I think you guys don't want peace."

"I can't believe you symbolize peace when you're such a bitch."

"He honks for peace but, of course, he honks for everything."
Greetings dear ones,   
Indeed, the topic of being self-critical really resonated with newsletter readers. I'm so glad it was a helpful reminder and that many benefited. I hope the same is true about this month's theme -- peace! 
But before I address this elusive topic, here are some interesting articles and videos.  
A Few Articles and Stuff of Interest   
An ex-garbage man finds the best treasure in the trash.
Linda Ronstadt makes a rare public appearance to honor Dolly Parton at MusiCares.
Science "reveals" that women seem to have more youthful brains than men. 
                         Lindsay Vonn retires. An amazing career!!!
Videos Guaranteed to Bring a Smile!    
I usually try to keep the video clips I post to 4 or 5 minutes, but the first two are classics. So get yourself a cup of tea or something and enjoy.
First are the best viral videos of 2018
Second are the 15 funniest Ukraine commercials of all time. They are quite a contrast to the ones we are exposed to.   
Next are wild elephants thanking men who rescued their baby elephant.
Lastly, a heart warmer -- ten animal appreciations of humans.   
"Of course I hope to find gold. But my real goal is spiritual growth and inner peace." 
  Most all cartoons "borrowed" from the Cartoonbank.   
Angel of Peace -- Munich Germany

About Peace and Its Opposite -- Fear

Peace is one of human's six emotions. It's the opposite of fear. When we're experiencing peace, our attention is in the present, we're relaxed, content, and our mind is still. Often it's thought that we need to meditate in order to feel peace, but it's not true. We simple have to pacify our fear and peace will naturally arise.

According to Attitude Reconstruction, this is a summary of the four core attitudes, including the feelings, thoughts, and actions, that are associated with the emotion of peace. When we experience peace our attention is fully in the present, and we observe, allow, participate, and enjoy the now.

People whose most dominant emotion is fear are easy to recognize. In general, we are the "speedy ones," focused on time and money. We're agitated, nervous, and anxious. There is a tendency to be skinny. Mentally, we feel that there's never enough. We're in the future, and speak about the past by making huge over-generalizations that only stoke more fear. We tend to be worriers - scattered, confused, overwhelmed, dramatic, panicky, or controlling. If you ask us, we will tell you that peace is something that's desirable but elusive.

Below are the four core attitudes associated with fear, as laid out on the Attitude Reconstruction Blueprint.

Since "peace" is the opposite of "fear" it makes sense that if we deal with the fear, peace will be nearby.    

Four Easy Ways to Promote Peace and Decrease Fear

Here are four strategies to increase peace (and decrease fear), according to Attitude Reconstruction. 
1. Shiver the fear out of your body rather than tightening up.
Emotions are just pure physical sensations in your body. So allow yourself to physically express the fear you feel rather than tightening up. When I feel nervous, jumpy, agitated, or my mind is racing a million miles an hour, I let my body do what's natural. I vigorously shiver, shudder, and shake all over, like a dog at the veterinarian. Though it can seem weird, silly, or contrived at first to jiggle, shiver, tremble, and let my knees knock, I almost immediately feel more relaxed, centered, and able to focus.

When I can't sleep at night, need to return a scary telephone call, or make a presentation, I duck into the bathroom, shiver for just a minute or two, and remind myself: " It's okay to feel scared. I just need to shiver." The result is almost miraculous. This one simple activity restores  calm and brings me back to the present. Give it a try!
Here is a video that demonstrates shivering.

2. Interrupt thoughts about the future and past, and avoid over-generalizations.
To keep things manageable and in perspective, keep bringing yourself back to the present. And be specific about the concerns at hand, rather than generalizing about your whole life, your relationship history, your character, the world, and so on. The words "always" and "never" fuel fear. Likewise, bringing other unresolved issues into the specific topic you're grappling with is like putting gasoline on the barbecue. It makes reaching a satisfactory resolution nearly impossible.

I highly recommend that, over and over, you tell yourself reassuring things. Many times a day, repeat whichever of these phrases will be most supportive: " Everything will be all right. Everything is all right. One thing at a time. Everything is unfolding in its own time. I'll handle the future in the future. Be here now. Stay specific."

3. Break big projects into a series of simple little steps, and attend to one thing at a time.
The key to managing fear and life's tasks is to take the time daily to get organized. For each task you need to accomplish, start by articulating your goal. With it in mind, break each task into a series of little doable increments. Make each step small enough so you know you can do it. If you keep an ongoing list of exactly what needs to be done by when, you can evaluate what's most important and essential for today. I put my to-do list in an obvious place by the computer so I can see it. Then I just do what's next, and offer myself copious praise for each small victory.

4. In terms of lifestyle choices, strive to establish a regular, more relaxing routine.

Cut down on the coffee, coke, and energy drinks. Stay out of cold, damp, and drafty places. Reduce the amount of stimulation you expose yourself to. Get more sleep. Don't miss meals. You'll feel better if you spend time engaging in less frightening or anxiety-producing activities, situations, movies, or games, and more time doing relaxing things, such as gentle walks, watching sunsets, and listening to calming music.
By following just a few of these simple suggestions - taking little baby steps and shivering whenever agitation comes knocking - I'm certain you'll soon find that you enjoy whatever your day brings. You'll be able participate with more humor, ease, and equanimity, and feel more peace! 
Mapping Emotions and Feelings in the Body 
Researchers in Finland did a study and came up with infrared body mapping, based on where people reported the sensation of an emotion or feeling. Here's a visual of the results. 
To see a neat video that details these findings, click here. 
Hey Jude,
Before a big tennis match, I get so anxious that my hands get numb and I feel like I'm going to throw up. Do you have any suggestions?
Absolutely. Shiver and quiver! Golfers, swimmers, game-show participants, debaters, test takers, -- anyone in a nerve-racking competition -- should do some shaking to dissipate the fear energy so they can perform with calmness, clarity, and alertness.  
        I'm sending you best wishes for plenty of peace in 2019!  
Thanks for reading this newsletter. If you have any feedback, suggestions about a newsletter theme, or general comments, I enjoy hearing from you, so feel free to write me at: jude@AttitudeReconstruction.com
                           With love,