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PAIN INTO PURPOSE
"If somebody would have told me several years ago where I’d be today, I would have never believed them.
The memory of Children Services knocking at my door is something one never forgets. It was a hot day in early summer; any sunlight the day offered was blocked by the closed curtains that I shamefully hid myself and my children behind.
Not wanting to face who was on the other side, afraid of exposing my ugly secret, in fear of being judged and losing the only thing that I had left to live for, my children, a force greater than myself pushed me to turn the doorknob and face the consequences.
Standing there were two women, (to this day refer to as my living angels), sent to answer my prayers; to help me when I could not help myself; to take care of my children, when I could not take care of them myself; to love me when I could not love myself.
They began to explain to me a new program called START. They described how they would assist me in getting the substance abuse treatment that I desperately needed. They assured me that if I followed treatment plan recommendations, I would not have to lose my children. I didn’t believe them, but I was in no position to object to their plans. It was clear that my choices were not working.
I can’t say that I did everything right. I’m quite convinced that I was the longest START client in the history of the START program. When everyone else in the world had given up on me, my caseworker, family peer mentor and children services supervisor kept pushing me to get myself back up, dust myself off and try again. They believed in me when I didn’t believe in myself. I was beyond difficult to deal with (from screaming at treatment providers, telling them they were uneducated and worthless, to escaping out back doors, running through yards to flee my caseworker and family peer mentor who were trying to get me into treatment, to verbally assaulting my caseworker, Dana Berry while I demanded I get my nails done before going to inpatient treatment.) This is a stark reminder that the drug addicted person is vastly different from the clean and sober person that I am today. I don’t recognize that person, but I cannot forget that person. My memory serves as a reminder that I am dealing with an ugly disease, not an ugly human. With patience and persistence, the disease can be destroyed, and a beautiful person can arise out of the ashes like a phoenix. Beyond that, a family unit can survive a catastrophe, reduce the likelihood of severe trauma, and be rebuilt stronger, together.
This entire journey has been everything from moments of excruciating heartaches to moments of incredible joy and fulfillment. From feeling like I can’t go on, to feeling like there’s a reason I am alive.
I began working at Ashtabula County Children Services as a Family Peer Mentor in May of this year. I was able to work beside the women that saved my life, caseworker, Dana Berry and Supervisor Ann Lynch. They were able to see firsthand the woman they helped to create. I was in disbelief when I was asked to submit my resume for a START caseworker opening. When they hired me, it was the first time in years that I felt like I had overcome my past. It was a realization that I was considered a valuable contribution to society. They didn’t see me as my past, an addict.
There is not a day that I wake up that I am not deeply grateful for the life I get to live. I have somehow been able to turn the most painful experience of my life into a purpose. I get to be that person on the other side of the door, to guide, to support, to advocate for, to believe in. I get to pay it forward. And if that is not the most complete full circle blessing, I don’t know what is."
- Aimee Rich, Ashtabula County Children Services Ohio START Caseworker
Ohio START wants to share more success stories! Submit them here.
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