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One of the skills necessary for being in community is the ability to listen deeply -- emptying yourself to be present -- to one another and develop trust. Steve Garnaas-Holmes points out that listening gives us the opportunity to hear the voice of God as well. In a recent workshop led by Dr. Mary Hess from Luther Seminary, I learned to listen in a new way.
We were invited, in groups of four, to participate in an exercise called “Story Listening Circle.” Then we were instructed to think about an experience of the Divine in nature that we hope will be available to future generations. We then shared that story in three minutes with the other people in our group. Each of those three people had an assignment – the first person was to listen for the facts in our story, the second person for feelings, and the third person for values. The responses to these “listenings” were fed back to the storyteller. Being heard in this way was wonderful and let me know that I was, indeed, heard. Not just listened to, but heard, understood, valued and connected. We went around the group, giving each person an opportunity to participate in each part of the process. Finally, in an exercise called “Story Title-ing Circle,” we were asked to give titles to one another’s stories. The storyteller then picked the title that would be close to what they would have chosen or used their own title. It was an affirming, hopeful exercise for all who participated.
As part of the exercise, Dr. Hess shared a “Covenant of Presence” -- practices that her students had adapted from Parker Palmer’s “Touchstones.” The practices included:
- Being fully present extending and presuming welcome
- Listening generously
- Authoring your story
- Coming as equals
- Sharing is encouraged, not required
- Trusting in our roles as witnesses, rather than fixers
- Suspending judgment
- Turning to wonder
- Keeping confidentiality.
These covenantal practices provided the guidelines for more fruitful listening.
I told Mary I would be so bold as to have added a fourth dimension to the exercise and asked a fifth person in the group to listen for the Divine and share that back. This suggestion came to me when one of my circle-mates observed that my eyes sparkled when it was my turn to tell the story I shared. I was truly experiencing the Joy of the Divine.
One of the benefits of deep listening is that it helps us to experience what author, activist and lawyer Valarie Kaur calls “revolutionary love.”
“Love is a form of sweet labor: fierce, bloody, imperfect, and life-giving – a choice we make over and over again. Love as labor can be taught, modeled, and practiced. This labor engages all our emotions. Joy is the gift of love. Grief is the price of love. Anger protects that which is loved. And when we think we have reached our limit, wonder is the act that returns us to love. Loving only ourselves is escapism; loving only your opponents is self-loathing; loving only others is ineffective. All three practices together make love revolutionary, and revolutionary love can only be practiced in community.”
Listening and being heard can bring about a revolutionary love that helps us build community.
If you are interested in this workshop, Dr. Hess is available to come to your church to offer it while she is doing her research on her sabbatical. Her professional website is meh.religioused.org.
Questions to ponder:
- Is there a line or lines of Garnaas-Holmes’ poem that resonate with you? What touched you?
- What do you need to be able to listen? What prevents me from listening deeply?
- What have you learned as you listened? About the person to which you listened? About yourself?
- Is there a time in which you were listened to? How do you know if someone is really listening?
- What attributes are required in the listener in order to listen deeply?
- How would solitude aid in listening to God or to others?
Resources:
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Steve Garnaas-Holmes, “Unfolding Light” www.unfoldinglight.net.
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David Brooks, How To Know A Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen.
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Earth.storyingfaith.org, Mary Hess’ main research page.
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Storyingfaith.org, Mary Hess’ more general research website, which tracks research and examples of digital storytelling with a focus on faith formation.
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Meh.religioused.org, Mary Hess’ primary professional website.
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