 November 1,
2010
HealingHeartPower Newsletter
Reclaiming
the Power of the Heart |
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About
Linda
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Linda
Marks, MSM, is pioneer in body psychotherapy who has developed,
taught and practiced Emotional-Kinesthetic Psychotherapy (EKP) for
more than two decades.
Author
of LIVING WITH VISION and HEALING THE WAR BETWEEN THE GENDERS, she
co-founded the Massachusetts Association of Body Psychotherapists
and Counseling Bodyworkers and is the founder of the Boston Area
Sexuality and Spirituality Network. She holds degrees from Yale and
MIT, and has a vital 14-year-old son.
To
find out more about Linda . . .
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HealingHeartPower
Calendar
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Would you like to learn how to do Emotional
Kinesthetic Psychotherapy
(EKP)?
Applications are being accepted for the 2010 EKP Apprenticeship
Program. The apprenticeship group meets once a month for a weekend
training session beginning in September 2010. For more information,
contact LSMHEART@aol.com or call Linda at
(617)965-7846.
If you would like to apprentice in EKP
and get involved before January, you may want to consider
participating in a half-day EKP workshop or a special seminar for
current apprentices.
The Thursday night EKP Therapy Group
has room for another member. If you would like to be part of a
committed long-term group using EKP, this is a very special group.
An interview and one EKP session are required to apply. Contact
Linda if you are interested at LSMHEART@aol.com
November
3rd
Networking Event for Health and Mental
Health Professionals at Finale in Brookline, MA
November 13th
EKP Clinic Day featuring free 45
minute EKP sessions facilitated by EKP apprentices. To sign up for
a session contact LSMHEART@aol.com.
December
11th
"Healing and Nourishing Your
Heart" workshop at Healing Moon in Norwood, MA
January
2011
EKP
Apprenticeship Program begins
If you are interested in being part of
an on-going EKP group that meets once a month, let me know. We had
run a Sunday EKP Process group for many years, and could consider
forming another one, if there is interest. Whether your schedule is
too busy for a weekly group, or you live far enough away that a
monthly session is more sustainable, if a monthly group would best
meet your needs, we can try to put one together.
EKP opportunities in Newton
include:
* Being a guest client in the Student
Clinic
* On-going Thursday night EKP Body
Psychotherapy Group
* Apprenticing in EKP
If you would like a Healing the Traumatized Heart
workshop near you, or have a group of people who you would like to
bring EKP to, please contact LSMHEART@aol.com.
To find out more . . .
Upcoming
Special workshop on Making Peace With Money
More details to
follow soon
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Greetings! ,
Every 7 years
my birthday falls on Thanksgiving, and 2010 is one of those years.
I had a college roommate who was born on Christmas, who shared my
experience of often being the "birthday kid lost in the shuffle" of
a major holiday. I am meditating on a way to make it meaningful
this time. We will see what my meditation creates.
This winter, I look forward to leading two workshops in Emerson
Hospital's innovative Health
and Wellness Program. "Healing and Nourishing Your Heart: The
Physical-Emotional Connection," will take place on February 16.
The date for "Understanding Your Child's Emotional and Spiritual
Needs" is still being set.
On
November 3, my colleague Betty Chan and I are hosting a
Networking Event for Holistic and Mental Health
Professionals at Finale in Brookline. This event is an
outgrowth of our two meet-up groups, as we recognize that helping
professionals in private practice can benefit from the
cross-fertilization of networking with new colleagues.
The
next "Healing and Nourishing the Heart" will take
place on December 11, at the Healing Moon in Norwood.In
an effort to create more ways to connect with community members,
dialogue and share ideas, I have created a new blog at
HealingHeartPower.blogspot.com. Sign up for new posts and
please add your thoughts to discussion threads.
Our next EKP Community Clinic is
on November 13 in Newton.
Articles in this issue are: "Apologies to the Divine
Feminine," an extraordinary piece of writing by my
colleague Jeff Brown and "Where Have All the Elders
Gone," with reflections on the world of assisted living
that becomes home for so many elders towards the end of life.
You
can also "like us" on our
HealingHeartPower Facebook page. By "liking
us", you will be notified whenever a new blog post is
published.
Your
comments and feedback are always welcome!
Heartfully,
Linda
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What
is EKP?
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EKP is Emotional-Kinesthetic
Psychotherapy, a heart-centered, body-centered psychotherapy method
Linda Marks developed and has taught and practiced for nearly
twenty years. Working with the heart, touch with permission, the
wisdom of the body and the intuitive guidance of the spirit, EKP
creates a special sense of intimacy that deeply touches and
transforms most all who participate.
Participants can be "client," witness or helper as an individual
group member has a "turn" to do deeper heart-centered,
body-centered psychospiritual work in the center. Since the
electromagnetic field of the heart extends out 10 - 12 feet from
our bodies, as we go deeper and open our hearts, we are all
touched.
EKP helps restore our capacity as organs of perception. The skin is
our largest organ, and a source of soul deep knowing, perception
and expression. When our hearts and hands can work as one, we move
beyond defenses safely and respectfully and find freedom,
connection and expression.
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| Apologies
to the Divine Feminine by Jeff Brown |
This
is a brilliant piece a colleague of mine, Jeff Brown wrote. I
think it can create great healing in the hearts of men, women and
men and women in relationship.
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APOLOGIES TO THE DIVINE FEMININE (from a warrior
in transition)
I apologize for my inability to distinguish the benevolent warrior
from the heartless warrior, a reflection of my own confusion
dealing with the battlefields of yore. When I opened my heart too
wide, I was vulnerable to attack from warring factions. I was
conditioned to believe that I had to stay rigid, focused, prepared
for any eventuality, in the desire to protect myself and others
from attack. But I went too far, and closed too tight, and
eradicated the bridge between our hearts. I am seeing this now and
I am sorry.
I apologize for my perpetual absence, a reflection of my own inner
absence, my inability to connect from a heart jammed tight by
unresolved emotions that I did not have the tools to work through.
I still lack many of these tools, but I am open to their
emergence.
I apologize for my inability to distinguish relationship from war.
Like a warrior in enemy territory, I would sneak in and out of your
life in the night, plundering and selfishly taking what I needed,
then crawling back to the other side of the abyss with the spoils.
I gave little back for fear that I would become vulnerable to
attack. I had war on the brain and I could not see the river of
love waiting on the other side of the battlefield. I now recognize
that love is the antidote for the armoured warrior, but I could not
drink the antidote in my driven state.
I apologize for not seeing you, my eyes blinded by congealed rage
and unshed tears. If it is any consolation, and I imagine it is
not, I could not see myself either. I saw only that which served my
hyper-vigilance, my warrior focus. My mirror was a
battlefield.
I apologize for my ungrounded materialism, my power driven
tyrannies, my obsession with accumulation. Somehow I imagined that
accumulation would protect me and those close to me, but I failed
to recognize that it just perpetuated the madness. I also apologize
for my egoic abuses, a reflection of my own misguided ego, pumped
up to deal with an inherently competitive world. I couldn't
distinguish the healthy, confident ego from the cocky, unhealthy
ego. I went much too far in the wrong direction.
I apologize for a sexuality that was objectifying and disconnected
from the heart. I know you longed for real intimacy, a merging of
our souls along the heart-genital highway. But there were too many
defences around my heart, and no bridge could form between our
souls. There were moments when your loving ways freed me from my
body masks, but I had no template to stand in that heart-fire. I am
sorry for this, for I know that the path you longed for was the
path to God.
I apologize for my horrifying acts of violence, a reflection of my
own congealed rage, my own inability to distinguish real enemies
from friends. There are no words that can undo what I have done in
those moments of madness. I know this, I do. I would hide my face
in shame, but that won't make things better. I need to own my
misdeeds, and then find a way to believe in my capacity to move
from a more loving place. I call out to other male warriors to be
accountable for the actions of our gender, not in a way that is
self-hating, but in a way that is courageously self-honest and
genuinely compassionate. The heartfelt warrior acknowledges the
error of his ways, and has the courage to do all he can to make
amends over time.
I apologize for my inability to develop a conscious relationship.
You were right there with your beautiful heart on your sleeve but I
was too attached to my individualism and afraid of this unknown
terrain. I know the forests, the marketplace and the ways of the
outer world so well, but my inner geography is foreign to me. You
called me to a place I was ill-prepared to go, although I sensed,
below the surface of my bravado, that you called me home.
I am grateful for your willingness to believe that who I was in
those rare moments of vulnerability was the real me. You were
right- the real me lives inside of my heart- but a few moments now
and then was the most I could handle. I saw you as dangerous, for
in your presence I began to taste a surrendered way of being.
Nonetheless, your faith in my goodness kept me going through many a
battle, and restored my faith in life when I most needed it. You
were the light at the end of a barbaric tunnel, and I am
blessed.
I am grateful that you stuck with me through thick and thin, and I
also understand those times you had to give up and let go. I now
recognize that there is meaningful difference between a love-ship
and a relationship. Love alone is not enough. Without a shared
willingness to become conscious, there can only be frustration. I
was so often impossible, clinging to my unconsciousness like a
soldier clings to his weapons. I recognize the courage it took for
you to keep your heart open in the presence of my resistance. You
had every right to seek an authentic relationship, as your spirit
was ignited in its presence. Your beautiful heart had every right
to be met in its openness and willingness. I am grateful for the
time you gave me, a moments respite from the hiding places I
mistakenly called home.
I am grateful for Grandmother, for no one saw my tenderness more
clearly. I am grateful for Mother, for choosing to bring me into
being and for nourishing my body until I could find my feet. I am
grateful for Mother Earth, for grounding my expansion and
enlivening my spirit. I am grateful for the Divine Mother, the real
Mother of us all. I now feel her divine presence, so close.
Fiercely compassionate, she was always right here, breathing life
into me, holding me safe. I sit in her lap as she breathes
me.
I look forward to the day when the only thing that ignites
relationship is two souls calling out to one another, two
soul-hearts beating in the same direction, a whisper of longing
that bridges one essence to another. I want to want you not because
it gratifies my ego, not because you are outwardly beautiful, but
because your very presence invites my Godself out of hiding. I want
to touch you with my heart on my sleeve, to know chemistry between
us that is not gender identified, but that is essence sourced,
loves liquid lava flowing from the heart to the genitals to the
great beyond. In this love-struck world, relationship will always
be experienced as spiritual practice, a devotional expression of
our God-self.
I had always believed that sensitivity is impossible to hold to in
a harsh world. Yet in this moment, I feel sensitive, but without
the fragility. I am still wearing armor but there is a shift in the
direction of my intensity. I can linger in the heart-space a little
longer than I once could, I am softening in places. After so many
lifetimes with weapon in hand, a tenderling warrior is being
birthed in the core of my being. He is confused, but he intuitively
knows that this is the way home.
Please don't give up on me or my fellow warriors. Forgive us our
misdeeds, or, at the least, be open to the possibility that we will
change as the trail expands to meet our shifting intentionality.
The day will come when our warrior spirit loses its harsh edge, and
comes into alignment with benevolent action. Some of us are already
there, and many more of us will follow. The road to transformation
is dependent on a bridge between genders, a benevolent bridge that
celebrates our differences with respect and kindness. That work
must begin with healing the rifts along the gender continuum,
working hard to heal the collective heart until one day we can
stand on a bridge across forever, hands held together, hearts open
and alight, embracing the sacred masculine and divine feminine
living at the heart of us all. I will meet you there.
May you feel the love of the Divine Mother crashing down on your
heartfelt shores, graciously lifting you up above the madness of
the world, nestling you in the grateful arms of those you have
nurtured. Those of us who have received your blessings may not
always acknowledge it, but your acts of love have landed within us,
growing us stronger and infusing us with love's light. Thank
you.
� Jeff Brown, 2010 www.soulshaping.com
Please share your thoughts . . .
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| Where
Have All the Elders Gone? |
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There is a term "sandwich generation" that is used to refer to
adults, most often baby boomers, who are trying to simultaneously
care for the needs of teenage children and elderly parents. When
my 83-year old mother was diagnosed with moderate stage Alzheimers
this past month, I found myself smack in the middle of an
intergenerational "sandwich."
An Alzheimers diagnosis can be overwhelming for the person
diagnosed, but it is surely overwhelming for members of their
immediate family, who must now figure out how to provide care to
keep their family member safe, while still respecting the spirit of
the person while they are alive. Taking away my mother's car was
essential for her safety, yet it has compromised her freedom to get
out and about to the places she is used to. She is in perfect
physical health, and loves to walk, which will allow her to still
get around her town. However, when the cold weather comes, there is
a new kind of safety issue.
Whether
it is just strong defense mechanisms or a manifestation of the
disease itself, my mother stubbornly denies anything is wrong, says
she does not want or need any help, and will get angry when
attempts to "reason" with her about safety concerns are voiced.
The director of one assisted living facility I visited recently
commented that some people with Alzheimers notice their
deterioration and are psychically pained as they watch their
capacities fade. Others are oblivious, to the point of
self-endangerment, denying fully that anything has changed, as they
forget where they placed something, lose track of the day and time
and struggle to get their keys into the lock to open their own
door. Is one better or worse? Each path brings its own
challenges, for sure.
Going to visit assisted living facilities is quite a journey of its
own. After calling various facilities, and engaging in the long
conversations needed to see if it is worth taking the next step of
visiting the facility takes a lot of time. Visiting facilities can
be overwhelming, both from information overload and from taking in
the harsh reality of where a large percentage of society's elders
end up towards the end of their lives. Just as pre-school is a
rite of passage for young children growing up, independent living
and assisted living have become "the village" needed to care for
people as they age.
It is so easy to become isolated when one is deteriorating mentally
and/or physically. And deterioration can take place so unevenly.
My mother's brain is deteriorating as her body remains vital and
strong. I have friends whose parents are at exactly the opposite
end of the spectrum: major physical health problems without any
deterioration of the mind.
The doctor at BU Medical Center who gave us the sad news said that
50% of people over 85 have Alzheimers. The good news is that 50%
of the people over 85 DON'T have Alzheimers. However, I found the
statistic daunting, nonetheless.
People ask, is the incidence of Alzheimers escalating because
people are living longer and longer, and our bodies were not
designed to live forever? Or is our way of life, the chemicals and
toxins in the environment, the long-term effects of stress or abuse
or isolation taking a toll on our minds? I have no answers. I am
just beginning to wrap my mind and heart around the reality that
Alzheimers is a kind of fading process, and it isn't just happening
to my friends' parents or my clients' parents, but to my own
mother.
Walking through assisted living facilities places you in a whole
new world, where the density of people aged 70 something to 90
something is thicker than you could ever imagine. Thank goodness
for therapy animals, which seem to be a common these days. Caring
Canines. Visitors' four-legged friends. They surely made MY
preliminary visits more humane. Each of the facilities I visited
tried hard to make their village setting as much like a community
and as little like a warehouse as possible. But it is very easy to
see assisted living facilities as a kind of warehouse of the
elders.
Each one has its own country kitchen, which seems to be an "in
trend," these days, a common room with a big tv, a handful of
pianos for sing-a-longs, an art therapy room, and a dining hall
with white linen tablecloths. One had a lovely "mini-pond" in the
front lobby by a baby grand piano. Another was a converted
hospital with very hard floors under the thin rug. All of them
have the kind of furnishings that 20 years from now we will call
"so 2010."
One gives up so much when leaving ones home and going into this
kind of setting. Yet, there comes a time that for health and
safety, there really isn't much of an alternative. And for some
elders, who wait too long before leaving their homes, an accident
may happen that will take them directly to a nursing home for their
final days. Hard realities. Hard choices. No easy answers.
A friend of mine told a story of a friend's mother who wanted to
stay in her home with the risk of a serious accident, because at
least it allowed her to fully live her life until she died. "Why
go into an institutional setting and have 10 bland years? I'd
rather have fewer years, but live every day of my life."
There's no right answer.
I
am now just much more aware of a day-to-day world where the
occassional older lady or older man might be seen at the grocery
store, or at the pharmacy, but the mix of young and middle-aged
people fars outnumbers the elders. I guess society really does
need structures to care for and protect the very young and the very
old. And we do try our best to do so. It is just not simple or
easy. And it is so easy to be invisible to the common eye, unless
you have reason to go where so many of the elders have
gone.
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My
first blog at www.heartspacecafe.com/blog
will still be active, but it is built in forum software, which many
people find more cumbersome to use than official "blog"
software.
In an effort to cultivate more dialogue in more contemporarily
relevant ways, my new blog at HealingHeartPower.blogspot.com
is user friendly, and even something you can subscribe to.
Please let me know what you think of this new blog.
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