Mediation Musings: Family

Sara Barnes 

We’ve all got families: birth, chosen, adoptive, step, nuclear, extended. Whatever type of family is yours, along with the joys and shared milestones, there’s sure to be a common factor: conflict. Although each family constellation is unique and special and may be united by love, respect, and shared values, all families do have some unresolved conflicts. In my experience, there are common family conflict themes. Money, communication, and time are three familiar topics.



Money

Financial decisions often bring out challenges within families. Spend, save, share, splurge––who decides? Each family member’s history and understanding of finances contributes to the misunderstandings. Families that make time to have financial check-in discussions can proactively demystify money decisions. It’s helpful for a couple to talk these things out, checking how their shared values are enacted through finances.

Communication

The family communication system is the family’s circulatory system. As modern communication methods shift and change, keeping track of how communication is working for all family members is an important practice. Communication planning might best happen at a neutral time—not when a perceived violation is happening. So, the third time Grandma says, “Put those phones down and look at me!” is not the time to have a communication planning meeting.

Time

Families share space, food, experiences, money, and much more. How family members manage their time is often a source of conflict. Each family member wants time away from family members, time with other family members, and options for how that time is spent. The term “quality time” is a helpful concept for thinking about family and time. Planning to spend quality time with each family member requires some conscious attention and can go a long way toward handling conflict quickly and effectively. There are some common keys to quality time: put away your devices, ask questions to learn more about the other person, look for the positives, and have fun being together.

Handling Family Conflicts

One piece of advice, which I’ve learned the hard way, is that it is almost always better to work on a conflict as it arises. Conflicts that are avoided only turn into bigger messes over time.

We all have families. Doing family right is a hard journey that may last a lifetime. It is my sincere hope that your family conflicts are easily resolved and that the uniting aspect of the family is a joy and strength for you and yours. Here’s a toast to families—all kinds—strong and caring.

Click here for a longer version and a five-step approach to handling family conflicts yourself.

LEARN ABOUT ALL THE SERVICES WE PROVIDE

• Youth Mediation
• Family and Divorce Mediation Program––PMP
• Housing Mediation
• Civil Court / Small Claims
• Re-Entry Program
• Workplace Conflict Mediation and Management
• Facilitation Services
• Local Consumer Advocacy
• Agricultural Mediation
• Conflict Coaching
• Financial Conflict Coaching
• Elderly and Aging Mediation
• Classes, Workshops, Seminars, and Training Programs

Check out our WEBSITE for details.

Community Programs info@mvmediation.org or call 508-693-2999

Housing Program admin@mvmediation.org or call 508-693-2199

Take a look at the profile of our organization in this Community Mediation Moment by National Association for Community Mediation. Executive Director Sara Barnes tells about our work. Mediation Moment

FEATURED SERVICE:

Youth Conflict Resolution Program

Kiki Homer

The 2023–2024 Youth Conflict Resolution (Peace Curriculum) Program completed another successful year. Youth Coordinator Gail Gardner and Youth Curriculum Specialists Kim D’Arcy and Kiki Homer continued existing programs in the 3rd and 4th grades at the Edgartown School and 3rd, 4th, and 5th grades at the Oak Bluffs School. They also expanded programming to the 2nd/3rd grade at the Chilmark School and the 3rd, 6th, and 8th grades at the Charter School. MV Mediation also created an experiential mediation training program in collaboration with MVTV and 7th and 8th grade Charter School students resulting in a mock mediation.

We thank Gail for her leadership and service and wish her the best as she transitions back to full-time teaching in September, and we welcome our new Youth Coordinator, Jenna Robichau.To learn more about our Youth Conflict Resolution and our MV Mediation Peace Curriculum Program, read this article featured in the MV Times, and if you are interested in becoming part of our program, reach out to us at education@mvmediation.org.

Building Bridges Coalition--FESTA JUNINA

Upcoming Events

• May 2nd, 8:00–8:30am (networking); 8:30–10:00am (program): ACR-GNY Roundtable: “Keys to Peacebuilding in the Circle Process” with Kay Pranis
• May 3rd, 12pm: ACR-GNY Forum: “Political Stability, Development, and Conflict” featuring Olajumoke Ayandele
• May 4th, 10am PDT: Community Boards of San Francisco presents “Advanced Communication and Active Listening Skills for Coaches”
• May 14th, 12pm: “Demystifying Distress––Set Effective Boundaries for Challenging Behavior without Writing Anyone Off (and Practice Self-Care)” sponsored by Mediate.com, Association of Conflict Resolution, MH Safe, and Association of Professional Family Mediators
• May 16th, 5:30pm PDT: Community Boards of San Francisco presents “Wellness at Work and Beyond––Fostering Supportive Networks and Stress Resilience”
• May 21st, 7pm: NAFCMS’s third annual Momentum May, a cross-continent virtual gathering
• May 23rd, 12–1pm: CDSC Roundtable: “Ethical Mediation––A Panel Discussion.” Register by emailing cdscinfo@communitydispute.org
• June 4th–7th: ACR-GNY 23rd Annual Virtual Conference––“Expand: The Field X The Future”

This month’s links for your reading, listening, and viewing pleasure:

• Learn tips on how to air your grievances and be heard, from one of our favorite podcasts, “Disagree Better."
• What do walking and conflict resolution have to do with one another?
• The kids can hear you arguing (even when they are asleep).
• Want tips on managing uncomfortable conversations in the workplace?
• How is collective action related to conflict resolution?
• Read about the role of mediation for better mental health in relationships.

MEDIATORS’ CHECK-IN

Wednesdays at 4pm––all are welcome to join.

Zoom link: https://us02web.zoom.us/j/86378014243

• 5.8.24 Tips: Building Trust
• 5.15.24 Role play: Facts don’t match up
• 5.22.24 DEI—Millennial bias toward and from
• 5.29.24 Meet our amazing mediator
• 6.5.24 Family mediator check-in
• 6.12.24 Tips: Bias in intergroup conflict

Why I Mediate

We love hearing from our youth conflict resolver community!

“I learned the important element of staying positive in conflict. I enjoyed learning that we can change a conflict.”

“You taught us to de-escalate our conflicts by looking at other people’s perspectives.”

“I learned that when a conflict is happening I can help solve it by thinking about a win-win solution.”

“I learned how to put myself into someone’s shoes and how to calm down a conflict."

“I learned a lot about my feelings.”

“I learned a lot but my favorite is learning about peace.”

“I learned so much about conflict, it was so fun while you were here and I can’t wait till you come again.”



--Edgartown School 3rd and 4th Graders who recently completed our 10-week Conflict Resolver Peace Curriculum

DEIJ+B: DIVERSITY, EQUITY, INCLUSION,

JUSTICE + BELONGING

• Curious about where you stand? Take Harvard’s Implicit Bias test for ageism.
• Delve into topics related to age discrimination here.
• Want some strategies for reducing unconscious bias?
• Learn about 5 ways to recognize Older Americans Month here.
• To celebrate Asian Pacific American Heritage Month, learn about its history here and here.
• To celebrate Older Americans Month, learn about its history here.
• Also, enjoy this article about optimizing the power of a multigenerational workforce, which includes those of the traditionalist and Baby Boomer generations.

Take a look at the work two members of MV Mediation are doing in the local jails. Congratulations, Kim and Bob, for your great work.

CONFLICT COACHING SERVICES

It can help you. Not therapy. Not advice. 

So, what is Conflict Coaching?

Ready to conquer your personal challenges and emerge stronger in 2024? Our one-on-one Conflict Coaching is for you. Our experienced coaches will empower you with the skills to navigate conflicts, find resolution, and pave the way for personal growth. Why choose our Individual Conflict Coaching?

• Personalized Guidance: Tailored strategies to address your unique challenges.
• Self-Discovery: Explore your strengths and areas for development in a supportive environment.
• Transformative Solutions: Overcome obstacles and build resilience for a brighter future.
• Confidence Boosting: Gain the tools to face conflicts head-on and develop potential options for resolution. Make your appointment today!

AGRICULTURAL MEDIATION

Martha’s Vineyard Mediation is part of a national network of USDA-supported farm, agriculture, and aquaculture mediation programs. If you know of any farms, farm stands, CSAs, or agricultural/aquacultural businesses, MV Mediation can help. Most services are free or low cost through USDA funding. We work with farms in Dukes, Barnstable, Bristol, and Plymouth Counties. Our brochure is here; please pass it on to those who may need these services.

FAMILY MEDIATION PROGRAM

Divorce, Family & Conflict Resolution

We offer help talking with your spouse or partner about divorce, parenting issues, custody schedules, financial decisions, and communication itself, and can help you to renegotiate existing plans. We also work with reconciling couples and those who have conflicts they need help to resolve.

MEDIAÇÃO EM CASOS DE FAMÍLIA E DIVÓRCIO

Divórcio, Disputas em Familia e Resolução de Conflitos

Conflitos entre marido e mulher, pais e filhos, problemas conjugais, com parceiros ou entre familiares, divórcio, custódia física e legal, planejamento para os cuidados do menor, visitação de menores, revisão do suporte financeiro e plano de visitação, divisão de bens e possível reconciliação.

info@mvmediation.org or call 508-693-2999

HOUSING MEDIATION PROGRAM

Conflict with a Tenant or Landlord?

We offer FREE MEDIATION for housing cases in Dukes and Bristol Counties and information about RAFT––rental financial assistance for back rent or moving out. Take a look at this article from the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau reporting about erroneous information about tenants being used and affecting homelessness and evictions.

MEDIAÇÃO EM CASOS DE MORADIA

Conflitos entre o proprietário e inquilinos?

Mediação GRÁTIS para qualquer tipo de conflito relativo a sua moradia nos Condados de Dukes e Bristol, e informações sobre o RAFT- programa de assistência financeira.

admin@mvmediation.org or call 508-693-2199

RE-ENTRY PROGRAM

Easier Transition from Incarceration to Community

Re-entry Mediation is FREE to incarcerated individuals (pre-release) and recently released individuals (post-release). For more information, check out our flyers for pre-released and post-released individuals.

IN-COURT AND COURT-REFERRED MEDIATION SERVICES

MV Mediation provides free mediation services for eviction cases in Bristol and Dukes Counties. We are present at District Courts in Attleboro, Fall River, Taunton, and Edgartown for summary process cases. MVMP offers free services for civil cases and small claims in advance of the court date. We are also qualified to provide in-court and court-referred services for Dukes County District, Superior, Probate, and Family Courts. We provide mediation for pre-criminal and 286 E harassment cases. Our Juvenile court mediators help with cases referred from the Juvenile Court. MV Mediation waives fees for cases referred by court or with an active docket number. 

WORKPLACE CONFLICT MANAGEMENT

MV Mediation provides support to resolve conflicts in the workplace. We provide workshops and develop conflict resolution projects with workplaces, nonprofit organizations, and municipal and trades workplaces. Our confidential Workplace Management Cohort for supervisors and managers is a popular offering.

FACILITATION SERVICES

MV Mediation provides facilitation services for groups, boards of directors, organizations, companies, and families. Neutral and confidential facilitation allows those who are attending the meeting to fully participate. If you need facilitation services, please reach out to discuss your needs. Read this article that describes how a facilitator can help you or your organization.

“We are in a much better place since we had a facilitator help us to pull things together. Thanks to the mediation program for all your help.”––A recent facilitation client

SOCIAL MEDIA

Following us on social media is a great way to support MV Mediation! Connect with us on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn. This month we focus on stress awareness and its connection to unresolved conflicts. As always, don’t miss out on helpful tips about managing conflicts in your daily life. You will also get the latest information about community events, workshops, and courses.

Connect with us on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn

THANK YOU, DONORS!

Thanks to all our donors who participated in MV Mediation’s Annual Appeal. We will make use of your contributions wisely. We really appreciate your generosity.



It’s never too late to donate!

DONATE HERE

Our Mission

To serve our community by providing education, outreach,

mediation, conflict coaching, facilitation,

and related services to help prevent and resolve conflicts.

Our Vision

To create an island of competent, capable, and

effective conflict resolvers.

Thank you for our donors and sponsors for your continued support!

At MVMP our slogan is We Can Work It Out. Would you like to borrow this slogan?

Feel free. You Can Work It Out! We are here if you need our help.

MV Mediation Program mvmediation.org

508 693-2999 Community & Court

508 693-2199 Housing