Freeze! Stop everything.
If you were to give today a theme or headline based on where most of your attention has gone, what has been the predominant theme of your day so far? What is the result (right now, in this present moment) of this theme?
A Shaman once taught me: Energy flows where your attention goes. Thinking about something or giving it attention adds fuel to the fire. So where is your attention now?
As humans, we spend a lot of time in our heads. That time in our heads is often spent ruminating over what went wrong, what we coulda, shoulda, woulda done differently in the past and then we project these past things into our future with our fears, worries, guilt, shame, or anger. "I'm a failure as a boss [guilt or shame] because I micro-managed "so-and-so" and did not empower them. I'm lazy [shame, self criticism] because I didn't exercise this morning. I'm cruel and mean [self criticism] because I just lost my temper and yelled at my child or barked at my spouse or because I had negative thoughts about the slow person in the check-out line of the grocery store." (not that I've ever done that, [more shame])
We fall prey to self-criticism, self-doubt and a plethora of self-defeating emotions when we focus on the negative. The other problem is too much attention on the negative actually breeds more of the same results. It's like we are proving ourselves right. "See, I told ya I was a mean and lazy failure..." YIKES!
There are insights and information to be gleaned from that time when things didn't turn out as we wanted them to. It is powerful to monitor ourselves and self-correct. Here I'm making the distinction between gleaning the lesson and dwelling in the emotional reaction and then projecting that emotion on to your own perceptions about your future self.
Think about an accident on the freeway. What would it be like if people paid minimal attention to "what went wrong" and instead focused on their own driving with ease, grace and flow. I'm not suggesting that you forgo empathy and concern for your fellow human beings who may have been hurt or troubled. I'm asking that you consider how long you dwell in that space and how dwelling there affects you, your behavior and your thoughts and feelings. Traffic slows, people are more distracted or agitated and more accidents are likely as a result.
How does focusing on the negative affect your body and your health?
Right now, think of a mistake you made recently or something you wish you'd done differently. As you think of that instance, scan your body and observe areas of tension, constriction, variations of temperature, color and shape.
Next, think of something that went well or some small success you had in the past week. As you think of that instance, scan your body again and observe areas of your body once again. What has happened (if anything) to the tension and sensation you previously noted?
What have you gleaned from this?
I leave you with a weekly check-in practice designed to frame and focus your attention on the positive:
What went well this past week?
What did I learn?
What will I do differently this coming week?
With abundance and sweet love of summer,
Rebecca
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