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I was startled awake one night this week. At first, I couldn’t figure out what on earth it was that woke me. After laying quietly for a minute or two, though, it became obvious. Brix-the-Dog was sound asleep against my back and snoring up a storm.
Last Fall, Brix was diagnosed with an enlarged heart and congestive heart failure. With each day, it seems his breathing becomes more and more labored. Still, whenever I return home, whether I’ve been gone all day or just a few minutes, he gets so excited, just as he always has. I have to pick him up so he won’t jump around. Whenever he does that, he soon collapses at my feet because his heart just can’t take it. The vet warned me that, one time, he will just collapse and not get up. That bit of reality makes me very sad. It also creates conflicted feelings for me.
Brix turned 14 just after Christmas, so, even for a small dog, he has lived a long and very good life. His health has been perfect until recently, and his defining characteristic has been the passion and enthusiasm he has for the humans he owns. Since Bill died, that has mostly been me.
When the vet told us he had an enlarged heart, I wasn’t surprised because, of all the animal companions I’ve ever known, Brix has been the most loving. He always has had the largest heart of anyone I’ve ever known, so having a physical manifestation of that isn’t surprising.
It ultimately will be the death of him, and that makes me incredibly sad. I must say, though, when my time comes, I hope, after a long healthy life, I will die because I love too powerfully and passionately. That is the kind of broken heart we all ought to strive for. May our love enliven us to the end.
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