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How to Compromise

 January, 2015

Quote of the month


if not the 
spice of life, 
is its solidity. 
It is what 
makes nations great and marriages happy." 

Author: unknown.

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Masters Degree - Applied Psychology from Seton Hall University


Post-Masters Degree-Marriage and Family Therapy from Seton Hall University


Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist


Private Practice 

since 2008


Married 26 years


Mother of 2 young adult daughters 


Passionate about 

what I do




I hope you have been able to take some time over the holidays to enjoy life and be thankful for all the gifts bestowed upon you, whether that be good health, good family and friends or simply stability that is very much needed. 

Recent experiences both in and out of the office have led me to create this latest newsletter on the lost art of compromising.  What does it mean to compromise and what are the benefits of compromising?  Read below and reflect on how well you master this art.

As always, please pass along this information to anyone you feel may benefit from its content.


I have relocated my practice to 305 Miron Drive in Southlake as of October 20, 2014. 



Maryellen Dabal, MA, LMFT

305 Miron Drive   ** New Location **

Southlake, TX 76092




Missed previous newsletters??

Go to www.dabalmft.com.  Click on the newsletters link at the bottom of the home page. Enjoy.....


From The Positive Perspective.......


Step 1: Define the topic that you are trying to compromise on. For example, deciding on how to set a boundary around an expectation with someone else.


Step 2: Allow each person involved in the decision to speak his/her mind on their approach to resolving the issue and reasoning for needing what they need. For example, resolving the building of a boundary around child-care duties in the home.  Each individual has a different idea of how that should be handled.  If you were in this situation, would you take the time to listen to the other person and understand their reasoning for what they need or want? Understanding the other person's motivations for something is crucial to coming to a compromise in any situation.  Does the person simply want to control? Is the other person missing something in their life that they truly need? Understanding the motivation truly means understanding the other person.


Step 3: Once understanding has been achieved, allow each person to make a suggestion on a compromise between the two needs. For example, if both parents feel rushed in taking care of their child at certain points during the day, who feels more rushed in the morning? At bedtime? In the afternoon?  A compromise could be that one parent takes care of the morning routine while the other takes care of the evening routine; or the parents define each of the responsibilities involved in the morning routine and evening routine and they split the duties; or one parent agrees to get up 30 minutes earlier in order to not feel rushed in the morning while the other parent agrees to stay up 30 minutes later in order to finish up responsibilities in the evening; or both parents reprioritize what needs to be done at those "rushed" times and they decide together who needs to be responsible for what on a daily basis.


Step 4: Put the compromise into action for a certain period of time that is decided by both.


Step 5: Evaluate the compromise at a set time after the changes have gone into effect. In my observation, this very important step is usually not performed in many compromises made.  Evaluating the change allows both parties to have input regarding whether the compromise is working, to what degree, and gives you the opportunity to make any adjustments to the compromise that might be needed or to create a new compromise as well.


Step 6: Put any changes into effect that need to take place and set a time to reevaluate. Know that you have discussed and made these changes together, which means that you either succeeded together or failed together.  Either way, you made this decision together so it should not come up in a later argument as being one person's "fault".


Compromising benefits a relationship in so many ways.  It allows you to develop a sense of collaboration and master that ability to work together with others to get through situations that affect both of you. It reduces the ammunition for arguing.  It also creates a sense of accomplishment for all involved.


Good luck with your new compromising skill and may you have a happy and healthy 2015.


Thank you for your interest in my monthly newsletter and for looking at the topic of compromising ......

From The Positive Perspective.



Stay well.


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I welcome feedback regarding the newsletter or questions about my practice.  I can be reached at maryellen@dabalmft.com.  I cannot, however, give advice through email. For more information on my practice please visit my website: www.dabalmft.com

I wish you well...