We've had a rough week, those of us who care about the American Jewish - Israel relationship. As in all relationships, rough patches are painful, but they are also opportunities to think anew, to understand better. That's what I would like to try to do in this open (and admittedly rather lengthy) letter. Prime Minister Netanyahu's shameful capitulation to the ultra-Orthodox on the Kotel and conversion issues actually affords us a valuable opportunity. For decades, the Jewish world has been struggling with what, precisely, should be the relationship between American Jews and Israel. Now, we're primed to talk about it.

We're not going to settle this issue now - the fraught relationship goes back almost a century. In 1920, Louis Brandeis and Chaim Weizmann had a now famous blowup about Zionist policy, following which Weizmann said, "There is no bridge between Washington and Pinsk." In other words, we are very different at our cores - let's not pretend otherwise. Jacob Blaustein (then the President of the American Jewish Committee) and David Ben-Gurion had another explosion in 1950, and their "agreement" was always tenuous at best. Leading American Jews were livid when Israel captured Adolf Eichmann and brought him to Jerusalem for trial. "Who made you the representative of the Jewish people," they wanted to know. Eichmann, after all, had murdered Jews, not Israelis. He was party to genocide before Israel even existed, so by virtue of what right did Israel kidnap him and try him (and later, execute him)? Did Israel think it represented world Jewry?

There have been periods when Israel did claim to represent world Jewry. And there are other times, like this week, when it acts as if only its own citizens matter. Now is the time to try to figure some of this out.

It's complicated, of course. On one hand, American Jews are not citizens of Israel, and do not - and should not - have a vote on most of Israel's policies, domestic or foreign. There is a difference between being a citizen and not being a citizen. On the other hand, though, American Jews have long felt deeply connected to Israel. (That may be changing among the younger generation, but that is the subject of a different conversation. See a long exchange about that  here.) You feel pride in Israel's extraordinary accomplishments, worry when Israel faces frightening threats, and feel ashamed when Israel makes bad decisions.

And Israel, conversely, has no compunction about asking or telling you that you "must" support us. Israeli Prime Ministers have gone to American Jewry to advocate aliyah. Others have gone to raise money, both in times of crisis and at more placid moments. Still others have gone to rally the political troops, at the UN, in Congress or elsewhere. So American Jews are not citizens of Israel, but neither are you entirely non-citizens. Surely, you have a different status than even feverishly pro-Israel American Christian Evangelicals, do you not?

At the risk of annoying every single person who will read this column, I'd like to use this space to sketch some preliminary thoughts on how we might define this relationship. I realize that much of what will follow here will be controversial, and there are elements that I myself still struggle with. Still, I'd like to take a stab at defining ways in which we ought to think about this relationship, by discussing two examples of issues - one on which American Jews should not seek to determine Israel's policy, and another on which they should - and how they should do it.

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By agreement with Times of Israel, this open letter continues online here:

http://blogs.timesofisrael.com/israelis-dont-care-that-youre-insulted-an-open-letter-to-american-jews/