News from Jude Bijou and Attitude Reconstruction™      


Joy, Love, and Peace for 2018

Attitiude Reconstruction  


Overcoming Impatience                                                      March 2018  
Come join me on March 17 for a St. Patty's day full of insights and fun in Santa Barbara. Learn how to communicate successfully about almost anything. For further information:


Jude Bijou 
Jude Bijou MA MFT is a respected psychotherapist, professional educator, and workshop leader. Her multi award- winning book is a practical and spiritual handbook to help you create the life you desire.  

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Very User Friendly. I am so impressed with Attitude Reconstruction. It is obvious this author put her heart and soul into this amazing work. What I love the most about this book is how practical and applicable it is. Anyone could benefit greatly from the suggestions and ideas in this book. 
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Consider purchasing
Keys to a Good Life, a book that includes a collection of articles, including one by yours truly on how to deal with anxiety!

It is now available for purchase through Amazon, Barnes and Noble, etc. and is the perfect way to find wisdom to unlock your power within.

     I love this. It's from a Dorito ad!

 In a 2011 interview, Billy Graham was asked what he would do differently.

"I would study more. I would pray more, travel less, take less speaking engagements. I took too many of them in too many places around the world. If I had it to do over again I'd spend more time in meditation and prayer and just telling the Lord how much I love him."   





Greetings dear ones,

This week holds St. Patrick's Day. I'm not sure how or why Pat became a saint or why we pinch each other. However, it is tradition and so in keeping with that, the color scheme will be green.

Just so you won't get impatient, I'm going to get right on with it. But first, a reminder: This Saturday will be the last Communication Class workshop until the fall. It's a fun way to hone (or learn) some skills. See the link to the left for details. 
A Few Articles of Interest

Is this baby elephant jumping? Hint: It was part of a contest.

Second, for those of you with cats, you already know they are a source of infinite entertainment and awe. Here are 16 pages of fabulous cat shots that are guaranteed to cheer you up and warm your heart, even if you don't like cats. (Note: at the bottom of each set of 10 you can click to the next set of photos.)
Third is just a headline from an article by Bess Levin about President Trump's obsession with his predecessor, in Vanity Fair on February 21, 2018. It says it all.

"Trump Is One Bad Day Away from Tweeting "I've Had Three Times as Many Wives as Obama!"
Fourth is an article that adds even more to our to-do list, starting in the kitchen . You'll never look at your sponge without thinking germs. Better stock up at Costco or Trader Joe's.

Videos Guaranteed to Bring a Smile!   
Here is   Bill Gates playing guess the price of this grocery item on the Ellen DeGeneres show.

Rodney Dangerfield at his best on Johnny Carson.

Coca Cola ran a happiness campaign at a college.
"I always get stuck in the wrong line."

All cartoons "borrowed" from the Cartoonbank.  

The River that runs thru Chicago on St. Patty's

Getting the Upper Hand Over Impatience
Are you thrown off by unforeseen complications? Are you frantic to meet deadlines or goals? Do you hate to wait? Are you a slave to the clock? Do you lose it when your computer IT guy takes too long to diagnosis and fix a problem? Do you find yourself antsy and frustrated when other people go at a slower pace? Are you unable to sit or stand still and constantly fidgeting?
Well, the price you pay is huge. First and foremost, your hurried pace and unease rob you of the ability to savor the moment. Consequently you rarely feel at peace. Second, you refuse to accept that some things unfold in a time frame that is out of your control. Third, your controlling and abrasive manner pushes other people away. This often backfires when others react to your behavior by intentionally slowing things down. Fourth, you often lose your connection with people or situations and get consumed by your own frustration, anxiety, and myopic reality.
It's usually the case that one of our early caretakers (aka parents) had the "impatience gene" that we inherited. Impatience is a fear-anger attitude. We're freaked out about time issues and are controlled by time. Therefore, we are angry because we have unrealistic expectations about how long a given activity "should" take and feel upset when it inevitably takes longer than we planned.

Before I lay out the Rx to deal with impatience, you will find a profile about Eileen Fisher, a women's clothing designer. 

Some Neat Stuff about Eileen Fisher

Eileen Fisher , founder and chairwoman of Eileen Fisher, Inc.
is the visionary behind a $400 million fashion juggernaut. Eileen Fisher has always pushed hard to maximize her brand's impact. The designer has also long found meaning and inspiration through meditation and mindfulness practices-which she has worked to integrate into the workplace.

"Meditation gives you a little space between things, a chance to stop and make choices," Fisher said at the Fast Company Innovation Festival in November. "We get very busy, and we do a lot of things that really aren't purposeful or meaningful or even true to who we are. But if we make a little space, then we can stop and go, hmm. We take a moment of silence before our meetings. It's about giving people that little bit of space."

"We [also] have this practice of active listening, where you'll sit with another person [and both of you] are asked a question. You let the other person answer for two minutes and you just listen. And then you talk for two minutes. What happens is that you feel really connected to that person you just had a four-minute conversation with. Sometimes [people will] say, 'Oh, my God, I don't remember anyone listening to me like that before.' "

"As we do it more and more, we build these connections across the company, this relational field where people feel like they know people and can call [them]. When you know someone, you care in a different way, and [ideas] start to spring up through different connections. When people are passionate and connected and feel purposeful, they come up with [surprising] things."

A version of this article appeared in the February 2017
issue of Fast Company magazine.

You think your life is short? These flowers bloom for one day!

How to Deal with Your Impatience
If you're tired of your impatience and the havoc it is wreaking within yourself and with those around you, there is a remedy.
Surrender. Give up. Turn it over. Accept that things go at a different pace than you'd prefer.
When you begin to feel that familiar antsiness, the first thing to do is pause, step back and take a few measured breaths, while repeating, "Stop. Breathe. Relax."
As I said, the underlying emotions behind impatience are fear and anger. To dispel the fear you need to move the pure energy out of your body. As silly as it sounds, shiver and quiver. Tremble like a dog at the vet. Up the spine. Out your arms, legs, and hands. Do it hard, fast and with abandon for literally 90 seconds or until you start laughing. If you practice this whenever you feel impatient, you will notice a feeling of calm overtaking your body.
After moving the physical energy by shivering, it's important to think constructive thoughts about the situation, such as:
*    Everything is all right.
*    Everything will be okay.
*    This isn't life or death.
*   Life goes at a different pace than I'd like.
To deal with your anger, excuse yourself, move to a secure location, and push against a wall, growl into a pillow, or stomp your feet to release the hot anger energy. If this isn't your thing, try repeating to yourself over and over, "People and things are the way they are, not the way I want them to be."
Focusing on the reality will bring you to a more centered space. Only then can you look within, and make another choice besides exhibiting your impatience. You're in a better position to restore perspective and find the constructive thing to say and do about yourself.
Maybe the best thing to do is nothing. While waiting, try repeating a constructive thought. Maybe enjoy the scenery. Maybe hum a tune. Possibly you need speak up lovingly with something like: "I need to be at work right now, and I'll give you a call later this morning." If you decide to speak up, whatever you say, make sure it's NOT something snarky or critical about them, but something about yourself -- your "I".
The benefits of getting the upper hand over impatience are that you avoid the feelings of disconnection with friends and family. In addition, others will feel more comfortable around you. You'll enjoy your environment more and have time to smell the roses. Furthermore, you'll be able to maintain a healthier perspective about what is really important. You will feel more love and peace as you begin to realize you're not the center of the universe and that people and things move at their own pace.
When we hold onto our belief about how things should be unfolding, we're apt to miss out on enjoying the present moment. It's much better to appreciate what today offers, rather than trying to engineer a certain future outcome.

Hey Jude!

I get so impatient when my wife over-researches any decision we have to make. How can I work on not getting so frustrated?

It's wonderful you're looking at your half of the relationship to break the cycle rather than insisting your wife is the problem. Observe how your impatience usually plays out. When you are tempted to react to your wife's need to know "everything", determine a constructive opposite to your impatience. Accept that she feels more comfortable with all the facts. Try a substitute such as taking a deep breath or reminding yourself, "This won't matter a year from now," or "I don't like that she takes so much time to gather information, but I like the final decisions we make."
Not being impatient takes some time, so cut yourself some slack when you relapse. Tell your wife you're trying to change your negative reactions and genuinely thank her when she acts more spontaneously. You'll experience copious personal rewards and maybe even inspire her to make some changes herself.
        I'm sending you best wishes for the coming month and a happy St. Patrick's Day.  
Thanks for reading this newsletter. If you have any feedback, suggestions about a newsletter theme, or general comments, I enjoy hearing from you, so feel free to write me at:
                           With love,