News from Jude Bijou and Attitude Reconstruction™      


Joy, Love, and Peace for 2019

Attitiude Reconstruction                                     

March 2019                                                   Let go of that funky mood.  

 Mark your calendar!
Upcoming FREE Communication Class  Saturday April 27, 2019
Santa Barbara
Come Join Me
I'm presenting "Dealing with Emotions and Changing our Thoughts"
Santa Barbara Cottage Hospital,  Grand Rounds - Amphitheater

April 10, 2019!  Wednesday
at lunchtime -- 12 to 1:30
Bring friends!


Jude Bijou 
Jude Bijou MA MFT is a respected psychotherapist, professional educator, and workshop leader. Her multi award- winning book is a practical and spiritual handbook to help you create the life you desire.  

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I got a huge response to last month's peace newsletter. Thanks so much to everyone who wrote. And thanks to those who mentioned enjoying the cartoons. 
"Once again I love your insight. Your intentions fit into my life like a glove on my hand, thank you for the reminder. I need to apply them on a consistent and regular part of my daily life." 
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"Hello. This is Dial-a-Grump. What the hell do you want?"

"His mood is pegged to the dollar."

"Gerald is a man of only one mood."



Greetings dear ones,   
Before I address how to dig yourself out of the moods that interfere with enjoying the present moment, here are some interesting articles and videos.    
But first I want to turn your attention over to the left hand column of the newsletter. I'm going to be speaking on Attitude Reconstruction twice in April and I want to personally invite you to refresh yourself and receive simple tools in an easy-breezy way that are guaranteed to improve the quality of your life. 
  A Few Articles and Stuff of Interest   
Here's a quiz. Can you identify which portraits were taken in the nude and which weren't?   
Scientific proof that animals have a full range of feelings and emotions, just like we do.
Fast foods are getting bigger, heavier, and saltier.
 25 Oprah quotes that will empower you and make you laugh.
Life lessons from Grandmas around the world. 

Videos Guaranteed to Bring a Smile!     
You don't have to be a tennis buff to marvel at the highlights of a Serena Williams vs Victoria Azarenka match at Indian Wells last week.
Heart-melting. Watch a German Shepard and a kitten become best friends. 
Another animal video. This is of a dog catching a frisbee pass of 83 yards! 
Ellen De Generes pranking her assistant who is working on a treadmill desk. 
  Most all cartoons "borrowed" from the Cartoonbank.   

Getting the Upper Hand Over Your Mood  
Do you get in a negative mood and have a hard time getting out? Do your moods seem to descend on you for no particular reason? Do your family, coworkers or friends consider you unpredictable? Do you find yourself often brooding for extended periods of time?
Funky moods obscure our experience for hours, days, weeks, or even longer. It's a lingering feeling that dominates your state of mind. Left unattended, is shapes our personalities and determines the quality of our lives. We may think that we have no control over our moods but the truth is quite the contrary. We create them with our thoughts and so we can create a different mood or dissolve the one we are in, if we choose to do so.
You get in a mood when you have an emotional reaction to a specific event and don't process your sadness, anger, or fear about that event physically and constructively.  
Here's an example. A client, Joan, considered herself moody and confessed that she could put a negative spin on everything for days at a time. When she came into my office yesterday, she said she currently felt alienated from her partner, keeping her at a distance, and judging her words and actions negatively. So let's take a look at what can be done to change this moody pattern. 

Five Steps to Dispel a Bad Mood 
1. Trace back in time to identify when the mood began by looking at various past time-frames and determining if you were feeling it then. No matter its magnitude or duration, something upsetting happened that triggered your mood or pervasive feeling. It could have been as simple as an edgy interaction, an intense argument, or change of plans disappointment. Pinpoint the event by asking yourself, "When did I start feeling like this?" or, "When was the last time I remember feeling okay?"

Joan asked herself, "How was I feeling three weeks ago when my friends visited from out of town? How about last weekend at the wedding of her college roommate? How about Wednesday evening?" As she checked in about how she felt at various points in time, a light bulb went off in her head. Joan realized her mood started Wednesday morning after her partner made a snide comment about how she never did anything around the house. At the time she didn't say anything, but pulled away emotionally and started feeling distant. Voila. That was the culprit.

2. When you identify exactly when your mood started, process the event emotionally. That means, cry if you feel sad and hurt. If it's anger you're feeling, move it out of your body by pounding, stomping, or pushing against something fixed and indestructible if you're miffed about her misperception. Finally, shiver if you feel scared, anxious, or afraid.
When Joan acknowledged how much it hurt to be judged so harshly, she knew she was on the right track. She also felt angry because she was being unjustly attacked. So she went out to the garage to express her anger physically and naturally. She sat in the driver's seat, and proceeded to shake the daylights out of the steering wheel until she was truly exhausted.

3. Restore your perspective. When you're in the thick of things, your thinking can become skewed. After you attend to your emotions, you can ask yourself, "What's the larger, objective reality?" Look for a broader perspective to contradict your myopic view. What would a neutral third party say about this situation?

Joan thought about it and said the following: "I love my gal. That's how she talks when she's angry and not speaking up about something. I need to not take her unfounded criticism personally. Just don't respond and get into a war of words. Be the matador and let them go flying by." She wrote these phrases down on a 3x5 card so she could practice repeating them often.

4. Consult your intuition on whether you need to say or do something to resolve the specific, upsetting event. Ask yourself questions such as "What's the high road?" "What will get us feeling connected again?" Get specific.  What exactly do you need to communicate? To whom? What points need to be covered and what request for a change do you need to make so that the future will hold more joy, love, and peace?

Joan realized that it was not too late to initiate a conversation about her partner's comment. If she just stuck with how hurt and angry she felt, because she really had made an effort to help out around the house for most of the day. Because she wanted to feel more loving towards her, she realized that she needed to speak to her about what happened, being sure that the conversation stuck with just her comment and not bringing in past unresolved grievances.

5. Follow through and you will find that your mood will lift and you'll feel more joy, love, and peace. Get clear about what you need to do to feel resolved (step #4), and do it. Plan out what you want to say, refrain from blaming and talk about yourself.
When Joan talked to her partner after dinner that night, much to her surprise her partner told her how bothered she had been by what she had said to Joan. However, she had decided to pretend she didn't say it rather than apologize. They agreed that in the future they would talk about little upsets without delay.  
It's easy to fall under the spell of a negative mood but equally easy to change it. If you trace back and find the exact moment that the mood was triggered and deal with just that specific event, it's almost like magic, but better.    
Hey Jude,
Why do the principles of Attitude Reconstruction seem easier for my children than for me?

Kids intuitively understand Attitude Reconstruction! It just
makes sense to them. Children yearn to have permission to express their emotions when upset. They love to talk about themselves. They naturally accept differences as normal. They respond well and can accomplish any task when it's broken down into small, doable steps. When children receive praise, they flourish!
        I'm sending you best wishes for 2019!  
Thanks for reading this newsletter. If you have any feedback, suggestions about a newsletter theme, or general comments, I enjoy hearing from you, so feel free to write me at: jude@AttitudeReconstruction.com
                           With love,