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Living Differently is a newsletter of tips, ideas and information about grief, life and living after grief.
Grieving, like living, involves all areas of life; emotional, cognitive, physical, spiritual, social, relational, nature and universal. We delve into all these areas plus offer messages from the other side to help you in your journey.
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With much gratitude,
Chris
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Note From Chris
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January: Hope, New Beginnings and Choices
Nope, you won't hear it here. No New Years' Resolutions, no "say good-bye to 2015 and hello to 2016", no suggestions to clear out your closets. (because I don't want to be a hypocrite, oh, but, I
We have another way to look at January. Not through the negativity lens --you know, "life is still the same; I didn't do anything different, I didn't get to that planned project, I'm still stuck, angry, depressed, lonely, I don't feel any different from when it first happened, I still don't receive signs or haven't received a dream visit, I can't change"...) Perhaps a little more positivity please...
This month is typically about new beginnings and hope and I do hope you find that here. But January is also Self-Love month and National Glaucoma Awareness month, so, I suggest we take a different view of January.
Now, we've discussed mindfulness and self care many times in the last three years of this newsletter and perhaps these are practices that you have learned to totally incorporate into your life.
I wish it was so in my life because I've learned that my 15 year journey continues to teach me new lessons about grief, living and life and it encourages me to continually change the position of my eyes and heart...
Let's take that glimpse at January through different eyes and perhaps see it a little differently than others might suggest...
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Living Differently Tip
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Living Differently Tip:
The following is from my ongoing messages/lessons/guidance shared by and received from the non-physical perspective ...my Guides, aka. Maxx
This message holds a mini-lesson for all of us...
(usually I hear a phrase, a subject or they make a comment and then they explain their lesson...)
Choices By The Numbers: (1-16-16)
Your life can be full, exuberant and joyful with and because of your choices. It does not have to be a painful project. If you choose to remain in pain - you do not choose to move. Stagnation is painful but this is not a necessary part of life. Neither is pain, sadness, upset or trauma. Choosing out of those areas is your answer to removal of difficulties. You are
the charge. You are
in charge. Movement, although not a necessary for all (because of one's choices) is the result of awareness and utilizing one's ability to care enough about oneself to determine that
their choices are necessary in the first place. Having you as the center of your focus (as this is not an egotistical perspective from your spark's point of view) will encourage you to make your choices, to make them with you as the creating and determining factor. You
are that spark. Live it. Be it. Encourage it and develop it. Expanding, that
is your purpose- it
is your reason for being. Surround your being with your choices for you. Continued choices for you eases pain and suffering, opens your world and expands your soul. Who would not want this for themselves? Though not easy, it eliminates further difficulties and ultimately allows your being to grow, expand and create more than you (physical you) could even imagine. Choose to choose for you (spirit you) not (physical) you. Think bigger...thing YOU!
**********
Zac Comment:
During a conversation with Zac about our lives being about choices and the choices we make in our lives, I expressed my gratitude for his help (in our conversations during my grief journey) and in the choice we made in this life together. (him having to die at a young age and me experiencing the grief because of it) He said:
"Whoa, it was your idea! You decided to do it but you needed pain, you needed excruciating pain. You needed enduring pain and you needed that to learn such difficulty, most likely so you wouldn't have to come back if you choose not to. And of course, now, you don't see it that same way (from that perspective when I made that decision) so you don't see it the same way but you have learned."
*********
Your spirit helpers are with you all the time, they want to help you and they have a way of letting you know in a way you will understand...
Yo
ur job is to learn to trust them! You can have the comfort of your spirit guides and loved ones to ease the burdens of your physical life. I encourage you to embrace your connections.
Do you have questions? Please let me know..
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Choosing Your New Year
Are you tired of hearing Happy New Year? Are you brimming with excitement to start on a new adventure of resolutions and goals to address your self-improvement this year?
Most likely not because many grievers usually aren't thrilled to hear about happy anything and often resolutions seem like an overwhelming task. It's difficult to think in terms of improving one's health, financial, educational, social, personal, mental or emotional well-being when you are not feeling totally in control of your life to begin with.
So, herein lies a major difference for grievers facing a "Happy New Year."
Resolutions For The General Public
People develop resolutions as the result of creating promises to themselves when they desire changes in their lives. They choose the change they want in their lives. But they often "fail" for a variety of reasons:
- Setting unrealistic goals
- Not keeping track of their progress
- Forgetting the goal
- Making too many resolutions
Resolutions For The Griever
Creating and maintaining New Year's resolutions may seem more difficult for grievers because:
- It takes a structured, workable plan to move toward tangible goals
- It requires preparation and research to solidify that structure to accomplish your goals.
- Resolutions require discipline and adaptability
- Focus is difficult and a necessary factor in creating change in yourself
When you are grieving, powerlessness, helplessness and hopelessness hinder those thinking processes. As the result, focus is often lacking, making it difficult to set and maintain your resolutions.
So, in the griever's new year, an alternative possibility for the commonly declared resolutions might be to focus on your current choices instead of future goal setting.
Focusing on you making your choices in your present moment, as opposed to setting future goals, helps lead you to discovering your inner balance. Being aware of your choice making process allows you to be with you on your journey.
Of course you will need to take baby steps in observing you in your process because you will also be feeling and processing intense emotions as they arise in your journey.
Practicing Life For Your Year
Change is a process of steps not chunks, so do not expect more of yourself. Change is not an overnight process so do not expect yourself to "be there" in the morning. Caring for yourself means you are noticing you as you move in your day. Self care is focusing you, centering you, balancing you and choosing you.
Pain is not a part of the choice process and the choices (themselves) are not painful but the stretching of you may be (painful) as you choose and as you are making your choices. Know that as you make the decisions for yourself, you pose yourself to see and understand YOU better...and this is all part of your process of self care of you.
Noticing yourself in grief helps you see where you are in your journey. January 2016 is a month of beginnings in Astrology and 2016 is a year of endings in Numerology.(2016 is a "9" year which means completion and January means opportunities for beginnings)
Endings and beginnings... perhaps you might want to look at balancing you as a priority rather than setting specific goals... perhaps, YOU could be the priority in your year.
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An Exercise in Choosing
So many of us are oblivious to the choices we
do
have and
do make in our daily lives. Grief intensifies that lack of awareness which in turn amplifies your feelings of lack of control.
This is a simple yet powerful exercise to help you become more aware of you, your choices and your life.
Exercise: During your day, whatever you are doing, say to yourself, "I am choosing to do this .... (*whatever you are doing, routine or not, Example:" I am choosing to spend my time on Facebook tonight, I am choosing to eat this chocolate bar, I am choosing to buy this coffee, I am choosing not to answer the telephone..." Don't allow your negative thoughts to intervene. When you hear the voices in your head, acknowledge them, but do not allow the "shoulds" or "ought tos" to redecide for you. (this is not an exercise in morals) Just tell yourself "I am choosing this because ...I love it or I am choosing this because I want to." Do this for a couple days in a row as often as you remember. See if you feel a shift inside, a lift, an awareness, a noticing...
This is a good exercise to help you become more aware of you, to help you notice, to recognize your control and make choices and will help you connect with the divine in you...and that surely can't hurt...
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Ask Yourself ...
I'd venture to say that all of us at one time or another have had the thoughts about others' "successes" and comparing ourselves to them. (actually comparing our inner life to their "outer" life) You know, thinking about someone else's bigger house, their new car, their beautifully landscaped yard, their better job, their higher salary, their happy/functional family. I'd suggest the next time you become aware of this kind of thought again, ask yourself,
" what would happen if all that I have, and all the people I know and loved in my life disappeared tomorrow?"
Responding to this question always returns you to gratitude for what you have right now. Consider doing this the next time this happens to you... just give it a shot...
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Oh, No, Another Grief Symptom...
Did you know that hair loss can be a symptom of grief? Sure, we notice the average 100 hairs that most of us lose per day in our hair brush or sink. It is also known that hair has a growing/resting cycle. (Telogen is the resting stage) But if you notice excessive hair shedding, this could be known as Telogen effluvium. This excessive shedding can occur when you experience emotional stress such as losing a job, a marriage or a loved one, surgery, or illness. (and other situations; childbirth, over/under thyroid problems, certain medications, etc)
Telogen effluvium is usually a reaction to an intense stress on the body's physical or hormonal systems and usually develops a while after the trigger event and sometimes leads to significant thinning of your hair.
Anything I read about telogen effluvium said that usually treatment is not necessary and that the individual usually recovers as the stress lessens. (ex: shedding begins about 2 months after the event and begins to slowly decrease 6-8 months thereafter but I don't think they were specifically addressing a grief situation in that timeline!) Use your own judgment/intuition whether treatment or consulting a physician is necessary for you if you notice this.
Now, why would I bring this up? There is an interesting metaphor here:
The growing/resting cycle of your hair (and a symptom of grief ) is like the rebuilding of the new you after grief.
The explanation is that the new hair growing beneath (your skin) pushes out the old hair. Thus, with this type of hair loss, hair falling out is a sign of hair regrowth. As your new hair first comes through the scalp, it pushes out the dead hair and new hair is renewed on your scalp...just like the process of rebuilding your new self after loss changes you. Just another way of looking at a "problem" differently...
Wishing you peace this month of January...
********
is coming soon...
I'll let you know as I'd love your input...
********
and a final thought...
My preparations for de-cluttering...I hope your choices make your organizing/purging/cleaning go smoothly...
If you have questions, comments or subjects you'd like addressed in this newsletter, please let us know...
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Please visit my blog here. I'd love to hear your comments or questions or have you share your experiences of your continued relationship with your loved one.
For a whole lot of years now we have been sharing information about signs, celebrating your child's birthday, dreams, pet loss, parental loss, ADCs, continuing relationships, conversations with the other side, holiday grief, bereaved parents' grief and a whole lot more!
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Chris Mulligan is an intuitive grief guide, teacher and author of Afterlife Agreements: A Gift From Beyond who is passionate about inspiring and guiding others to choose to live differently after grief, to change their pain to hope and their suffering to living on. Her passion is fueled by her own transformation when her youngest son, Zac died in 2000 and she found herself enduring a shattered world she did not expect to inhabit. Receiving guidance through signs and communication from her son and other spirits, her life path shifted from living in grief to living on. She discovered her truth when she chose to open her heart and live life differently. From that place, she fearlessly created an abundant life full of gifts, gratitude and grace. A MS in Clinical Child, Youth, and Family Work, 25 years of Adoption Social Work, hospice volunteering and facilitating grief support groups have taught her about pain and peace. She frequently speaks on panels and workshops for the bereaved and those working with the bereaved. She loves spending time with her husband and family of two dogs, Nina and Sam, four children and four grandchildren. She has been receiving images and messages from those on the other side for over 15 years and is currently writing a book incorporating their teachings. Go to http://www.Afterlifebooks.com to learn more.
With much gratitude, Chris |
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