For the past few years the advertising industry has seemed hard-pressed to make memorable Super Bowl ads. Mostly, the best we've been able to do is make ads that look like Super Bowl ads.

They are big. They are expensive. They feature celebrities. What they are not is original, sophisticated, or very good.

Below are seven often-used formulas for Super Bowl spots that are likely to make an appearance today:

1. Adorable Anthropomorphic Animals: Animals of all kinds either speak or display human emotions.These usually turn out to be top-rated by fans. 

2. Go For The Groin: Things hit people in the crotch, people get knocked on the head, or girls with big boobs jiggle 'em. Very popular with the acne crowd.

3. Celebrity Out Of Water: A famous person in a fish-out-of-water situation which seemed funny in the conference room but rarely is on the screen.

4. Automotive Adventure: Someone in a car is pursued/challenged/threatened by aliens/spies/evil-doers/cartoon characters. Lots of expensive computer graphics are employed to save the day.

5. Trailer Trash: Movie trailers in which 30 seconds of weaponry, explosions, and havoc are employed to promote films. Later this week, the same morons that created these monstrosities will be testifying before Congress about their hatred of guns and violence.

6. I'll Do Anything For A _______: The hero of the spot does something outrageous to get his hands on the product in question, and is usually comically injured or otherwise humiliated for his effort. These spots are doubly Super Bowl-ish when the hero is an animal or a celebrity.

7. Big Bombastic Bullshit: A drippy tribute to the workers/farmers/servicemen/nurses/mothers/dry cleaners of this great country of ours.

Keep an eye out for the formulas and let's hope for some terrific spots that break the mold.