News from Jude Bijou and Attitude Reconstruction™      


Joy, Love, and Peace in 2017

Attitiude Reconstruction  


February 2017                                    You Gotta Love Yourself


Jude Bijou 
Jude Bijou MA MFT is a respected psychotherapist, professional educator, and workshop leader. Her multi award- winning book is a practical and spiritual handbook to help you create the life you desire.  
Kind words like these about the recent newsletter keep me going

Thanks, Jude, always a treat.
-- Karen 
Loved trying out the "Shiver" this morning in the shower. -- Cliff

Awesome newsletter!
Chocked full of great stuff-especially the gas station signs like "Be who you wanted to be when you were younger" and "Forgive now to enlarge your own heart." -- Sora
I so enjoy your newsletters! 
Thank you so much! --  Connie

Thanks Jude!  Always great to read these insightful jewels. -- Kevin

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"Why should I settle for good self-esteem when, with the right medication, I could have great self-esteem?"


"Really, only you can tell yourself to giddyup."

Hello friends,

Let me start off with a few quotes on this month's topic of loving yourself (as well as others, of course)...

* "All I can do is be me, whoever that is." -- Bob Dylan.

*  "Do your thing and don't care if they like it." -- Tina Fey

*  "You're always with yourself, so you might as well enjoy the company." -- Diane Von Furstenberg

*  "You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection." -- Buddha

*  "Loving yourself isn't vanity. It is sanity." -- Katrina Mayer

* "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." -- Eleanor Roosevelt 

OK. Before I get rolling on easy and effective ways to increase your self-love, here are some interesting articles and fun videos.

The first is an article about sugar unmasked.

Another insightful article is The People-Pleaser's Guide to Pleasing People. Do you recognize yourself??? 
Third is a pictorial of the 1 0 worst kitchen disasters of all time.

Four Videos Guaranteed to Get You Smiling!
The first is sort of a video, but guaranteed to produce a grin . You have to wait a bit until the page loads, then use your mouse to move the trumpet around, click, and hopefully laugh.

The second is another James Corden getting some help from Gwen Stefani (and George Clooney and Julia Roberts) as he drives to work.

Third is a "Friends" blooper of Ross playing the bagpipes.

And last, hot off the presses, "All that we share" an amazingly enlightened video from Denmark about our differences and sameness. 
The Practical Way to Love Yourself More

Being too self-critical is epidemic in our society. It's almost a national pastime to beat ourselves up over real and imagined imperfections. As children, we became unwitting devotees watching our parents and/or teachers direct their anger towards us with negative judgments and demeaning labels.  We had no idea how to channel the ensuing emotions in appropriate ways.

Being receptive little students, we pledged allegiance to those unkind messages and internalized the commitment to keep them alive. Today we know the words by heart and speak them inside without even thinking.

The more critical the words we heard, the deeper the messages penetrated. Today, we rarely feel satisfied with ourselves. We try to measure up against an invisible standard or believe if we had or did something else - got married, earned more money, looked more beautiful, had more time - we'd finally be happy and feel worthy.
On some level we know that none of these strategies work. With these beliefs firmly implanted, we have a license to beat ourselves up in any possible situation. Our mistake is that we identify with our actions rather than our true essence.
To stop being self-critical and show yourself more love, you must learn that you are whole, complete, and worthy, no matter what. You must realize the essence of your being exists from the first day of your life until the day you die and doesn't change.
According to Attitude Reconstruction to resolve a bad attitude about yourself, such as never feeling "good enough," is to express the underlying emotion. In this case, that emotion is sadness and you need to cry. Then you need to continually work to rewire your destructive thinking. Whenever we criticize ourselves, we compound the issue. We turn one problem into two -- there's the social blunder, a poor financial decision or disapproving glance in the mirror -- and the demeaning self-loathing that follows.

Are you more than ready to silence the tyrant? To change deeply rooted destructive thoughts, you first must identify your old messages. It's helpful to write out what you tell yourself. The most common expressions are "I'm so stupid." "I blew it again."
"I'm such a bad person." 
Then determine what contradicts each old thought. If you're stuck, just select a couple from the list below and write them down. Post them conspicuously where you will see them and repeat them often. Carry them on a 3x5 card in your pocket, on your smartphone, or put them on the the bathroom mirror or dashboard of your car.  
* I'm doing the best I can.
* I love myself unconditionally.
* I'm not perfect, but I'm good enough.
* There is nothing wrong with me.
* I am whole and complete.
* Life is for learning. We all make mistakes. 
Make repeating your truth or truths a daily practice, several times a day for just a minute or two. You can do this in the shower, while driving in your car, exercising, doing chores, or before bed. Repeat them ten, twenty, thirty times! It doesn't matter if you believe it or not. Just repeat them.

When you're judging yourself poorly or when you're crying and feeling down, interrupt the "yes, buts" and other discounting thoughts that surface and continue repeating your new truths. I tell clients 100,000 repetitions should do the job, considering how many times you've given voice to the opposite.

See how wonderful you feel when you focus on your good and stop reinforcing feelings of unworthiness. Emphasizing the truth about yourself and contradicting your internal critic will give you an unshakable positive view of yourself no matter what.

Another Way to Love Yourself More -- Shower Yourself with Self-Appreciations

Showering yourself with kindness in the form of self-appreciations is another excellent way to love yourself. Compliment your own abilities, characteristics, qualities, and efforts. It's not boasting or bragging. It's looking on the bright side. Ignore the self-criticism and be grateful for the magnificent human you are.

Name a specific positive trait, talent, or quality and look at yourself from this new perspective. Try writing one, two, or three self-appreciations each day, and at the end of a week, read your list out loud with enthusiasm, conviction, and a smile. In this way you are steadily rebuilding your self-esteem.
If this feels totally weird and you can't come up with a single self-appreciation, start with something small.  
Try something like: 
·       I have a good sense of humor and can be funny. 
·       I'm a dependable friend. 
·       I take good care of my cat. 
·       I like to do nice things for others.

The bottom line is, beating yourself up for not living up to impossible standards is a dead-end road that leads to Point Misery. See how wonderful you feel when you relentlessly focus on the good. Emphasizing your positive qualities and contradicting that internal critic will definitely improve your attitude about yourself. Starting today, turn your self-criticism into self-appreciation. You'll feel the difference immediately and embrace a new pledge of allegiance to a state of Joy, Love, and Peace!

Hey Jude, 
Whenever we get together as a family, my siblings and parents seem to delight in making me the butt of their jokes. They never seem to miss an opportunity to criticize everything from my choice in clothing to my
friends and love interest. They think it's all in good fun, but it really hurts. It's hard to maintain my self-esteem with all their unkind comments. Do you have any suggestions?

My suggestion would be to gather together all the family members who engage in this sport of belittling you so they all hear your communication. Then, say something along the lines of "I know you all think it's funny and harmless to make jokes at my expense. The truth for me is that it's hurtful and makes me feel sad, so much so that I dread seeing you all. It's been hard and a long time coming for me to speak up about this and I really want you to know that this needs to change or I'm going to opt out of future family gatherings. I love you all and I hope you will take what I've said to heart." 
        I'm sending you best wishes for a never-ending love-fest with yourself.

Thanks for reading this newsletter. If you have any feedback, suggestions about a newsletter theme, or general comments, I enjoy hearing from you, so write me at:
                           With love,