The inability or unwillingness to forgive is one of the most common emotional blocks to healing. What are you holding onto - doctor or hospital error, unfeeling or insensitive remarks, God or the unfairness of it all?
Successful healing requires completion of your grief rather than retention of any resentment or un-forgiveness. You are the only one who suffers when you don't forgive.
Forgiveness is the result of giving up the resentment you hold for something they actually did, did not do or you perceived to be hurtful. It doesn't matter whether they intended to hurt you, what matters is how it affected you emotionally.
What is important now is that our life is limited by any un-forgiveness on our part. Forgiveness is never to be done directly - no one will sit still and be told they are wrong. Forgiveness has nothing to do with the other person, it is only for you, to set you free and they don't even have to know when you do it.
Say to yourself "I need to forgive you about .... , so I can be free".
Victim Mentality
Some widows develop lifelong victim mentality following the death of their loved one. They feel that they have been wronged or robbed of something precious.
You definitely don't want to carry those "victim" feelings into your future. When your spouse died, there were broken hopes, dreams and expectations. Now is a good time to write out the thoughts and feelings that their death robbed you of communicating. This gives you the opportunity to clearly state your loss and the hopes/dreams that are not going to come true.
It's okay to be angry, sad, frustrated so don't judge yourself for having these emotions. Deal with them by writing it all out so that you can say goodbye to the pain, to being a victim and be free to restart your life and find happiness again.
