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August 2023
ERICSHOUSE
August Newsletter
Dear EricsHouse Community,

Welcome to August 2023! August 30 is National Grief Awareness Day. This day is dedicated to continually creating a safe space for loss survivors and educating the public about grief. No matter what day or month it is, we recognize the extreme importance of providing understanding, empathy, hope, community, and resources to grievers.

-EricsHouse
Connect With Us:
August 8th was Eric's Birthday!
We hold Eric extra close to our hearts on his birthday. Yesterday we honored Eric's contagious belly laugh, adventurous spirit, compassion, wit and kindness. 

The EricsHouse Team sends our hugs and loving thoughts to Eric's loved ones.
A Letter from our Founder-
Marianne Gouveia
Grief and Sticky Emotions

When someone we love dies, it is hard to imagine what life would be like without them, especially after an unexpected loss. The truth about grief is that it is so complex with layers of sticky emotions and roadblocks – places where we get stuck in our journey. It is not uncommon to find ourselves stuck in emotions like anger, guilt, and regret - often leaving us to struggle with how we can move forward. 
These are natural and normal parts of our unique grief experiences.

While it is natural to feel these emotions, it is not so easy to “let them go”. The first question I usually ask myself when I get stuck, is “why am I here? In an article from ‘What’s Your Grief” written by Litsa Williams, she provides some thoughts that have helped me in my journey. You can find the full article here, whatsyourgrief.com/grief-and-the-fear-of-letting-go/. She shares these thoughts.

  • Your loved one’s memory does not live in the pain of your grief. Your loved one's memory lives in YOU.
  • As our pain diminishes, you may find more space to continue bonds and to keep your loved one's memory alive.
  • A conscious decision to stay connected and continue our bonds.


When we get stuck, I suggest that we take a hard look at the truth -- things that we did or did not do. The “only if’s” the “I could have, should have’s”. When we make a list of all the things we did to love, support, protect, and nourish our loved one, this list will far outweigh the list of things “we could have done”. We cannot know the outcome from those “only if’s. One of our moms shared that we can reframe those “only if’s” to “even if’s” and that helps us sort through our guilts and regrets. 

When we get stuck in that endless loop of thoughts, it is good to try to interrupt them. Stop and do something different – say you love them, remember a funny moment, recall a blessing, play a song, remember the love you have, do a jumping jack; reframe your thoughts.

Remember, that even as we work through our loss experience, we consider what our “new beginning” will be. Be sure to accept that we will feel pain as we learn to integrate our loss into our lives. Staying connected to your loved one will help you find healthy and positive ways to continue your relationship without the fear that you will forget the person you love. Connections are one of the most important parts of our healing. Stay connected with your loved one and with those around you who stand by you as you mourn.

Much Love,
Marianne Gouveia
Founder & Chairman
Our Love is Alive by Jackie Cole
Featuring Mary and Donny
After my son died, Mary was one of the few people outside of my circle of close friends and family who shared their own story of loss. Her kindness was an invitation that let me know she was open, understanding and willing to listen whenever I wanted to talk.

Mary’s continued connection with her brother brought me comfort with the reassurance that love never ends.

Mary and her two brothers, Donny and Tommy, were the youngest of seven siblings. Because of the age gap between her and her sisters, Mary remembers herself as a tomboy who kept up with the boys when they played football, baseball and basketball. Even as a young girl, she wasn’t afraid of snakes nor was she timid about giving back the teasing and provoking that her older brothers dished out.

Mary enjoys recounting the summer when Donny was in a leg cast. She found it particularly funny to taunt him by thumping his cast then running away, knowing that he couldn’t come after her….a vivid memory that still makes her laugh.

Donny was a talented rock and jazz musician who played in several bands, wrote music and mastered quite a few instruments including guitar, saxophone, piano and bass. Mary recalls that he had a special appreciation for the music of Peter Frampton and George Benson.

Today, she has her own collection of Donny’s favorites which bring her a special feeling of connection to him whenever she plays and sings along his favorite artists.

After Donny died, Mary sometimes felt angry as she watched people having fun and moving forward with their lives. In the years following his death, she realized that her healing journey was not going to be an orderly progression through a series of stages. In fact, many times she felt as if she were taking 10 steps forward and 20 steps back…sometimes in the same day or even the same hour.

Through the years, however, she’s learned that it’s possible to create a joyful, meaningful life while still missing and loving her brother. Now she reminisces with a smile at the happy memories of her brother and their active childhood and teenage years.

Mary wonders what Donny would be like today, 45 years later. In fact, she has a recurring dream in which a 62-year-old Donny walks through the front door. When Mary asks him where he’s been, the two of them sit together and talk about what each of them has been doing. When I asked her how she felt about this dream, she told me that it was comforting because their conversation feels real and is yet another connection to her much-loved brother.
200 Days by Cody Campbell
Cody Campbell is a member of our two most recent Men’s Groups. Cody lost his son, Zander, on January 7, 2023. 

We were discussing Touchstone 4 (Explore Your Feelings of Loss) and Cody shared the following poem with the guys in the group. I found it powerful, moving, and authentic.

With his permission, I’m sharing it with you all now.

200 Days
By Cody Campbell

200 days.
As our lives march on, we often reflect – before it’s too long ago to remember.
200 days feels like a time we should fully remember.
When a child is 200 days old you tell everyone: “they’re 6 ½ months”.
It’s just past the time when you count their age in weeks.
I remember when people would ask how old Zander was, 
And my wife would say “oh, Zander is 6 ½ months old” –
28 weeks doesn’t sound quite right.

I remember how proud I was when I told everyone he was 6 ½ months old.
He was so smart and tall and just doing all the stuff babies do.
Like every parent, you think he is amazing.
You can’t help but be so proud of your beautiful creation of love.

But 200 days . . . think what can happen.
Seasons change, things grow or die.
It’s enough time for nature to really make something happen.
Most injuries to our physical bodies would heal completely in 200 days.
Memories of 200 days ago are easy to bring up with little effort.
And feel how they felt.

200 days ago, I came home to find my son.
Lifeless and still.
200 days ago, we laid him on the floor, 
trying to bring life back into his beautiful body.
We tried, and tried, . . . and tried . . . until they told us not to try any more.

200 days ago, I was not prepared for his life to end.
I was thrust into a life without Zander.
And so, 200 days ago I was born again, a new human.
Now, I am only 200 days . . . 6 ½ months . . . into my new life.
With new feelings that are unspeakable.

Just before Zander came into this world, we didn’t know his name.
As he was born, I remember seeing his head slowly come out.
And then a bit more.
Then holy moly, he was in this world.
I held him first and cut him away from his mom.
He was still and lifeless then . . .
He said nothing as the doctor took him and patted him a bit.
Then he cried and the doctors told us congratulations, it’s a boy.

Woooooow.
True love.
I distinctly remember the shock – oh yeah . . .
I forgot, it has to be a boy or a girl.
I was just so overwhelmed with love that I forgot.
I knew he was healthy and alive and that was enough
to fill every molecule of my body and soul with love and unspeakable happiness.

I was totally unprepared for that – and all the 200 days after.
Just in awe of his presence and his spirit.
That was the most special time I had ever felt.
When I lay on the ground after the doctors told us for sure Zander was dead . . .
Never to breathe another breath . . . just still.
I couldn’t help drawing some kind of parallel to this life now.
Although it was far too soon, I felt reborn again.
I felt the most overwhelming love for Zander in all of my soul.
Except this love was jagged and cut.
It was a love falling away from my grasp, and I was not prepared.

Now 200 days from that.
Just as my awe was there for baby Zander.
My awe of him is right there still.
Now awe at his memory.
To be human is this.
I believe you can only fully feel love when love is lost.

I am not special.
Each person that lives dies and each person that dies was born.
Someone loved each person at birth.
And someone mourns each person’s death.

200 days will not pass by in my life
Without taking a bit of time to cobble together some words
On how Zander’s existence was so special.
And how both his life and his death will forever shape my mind, body, and soul . . .
Into whatever was meant to be.
I wonder what other pleasures and horrors this life has in store for me,
In the next 200 days?
This group will focus on:

  • Exploring your core values
  • Unpacking your bags – exploring your strengths, talents,
  • and gifts
  • Discovering what makes your heart sing
  • Understanding your passion and calling
  • Understanding your capacity for self care
  • Exploring you lifestyle
  • Writing your new life story

FOR MORE INFORMATION, EMAIL madison@ericshouse.org
Paws for Patrick 🐾
EricsHouse is excited to introduce our new coins as a tangible way to hold space for the analogy of love and loss. None of us would ever willingly reduce the pain of our grief if it meant losing any of the love behind it.

EricsHouse facilitators, Greg Eckerman and Matthew Burg plus the Men’s support group members collaborated on designing this unique coin. A special thank you to all of them!

Two inches in diameter, these coins are substantial and tactile. One side has the infinity heart, symbolizing eternal love. It includes the phrases: “The only way past the pain is through it” and “You are not alone”. The other side has a stylized representation of Melancholy, a sculpture created by Albert Gyorgy, and the phrase: “The Greater the Love, The Greater the Pain”.

We are using the EricsHouse coin as a fundraiser to help us to continue providing integrative grief care support to loss survivors. Please let us know if you would like one for yourself or someone else on their own grief journey. 

We are asking for a $20 contribution for each coin.