You are receiving Ellie Krug's Monthly Newsletter, The Ripple
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ellie krug
writer, lawyer, human
Human Inspiration Works, LLC
The Ripple
Vol 8 No. 10 November 2023
Inspired by the words and deeds of Robert F. Kennedy
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A Lot Going On!
Dear Friends:
Understanding that many of you are readying for Thanksgiving, I’ve endeavored to get out this month’s Ripple in case someone might have a little extra reading time over the long holiday. (Maybe following that nap after the big turkey dinner?) Also, sorry for the length of what follows, but a lot’s going on!
Some notable things have happened since you last heard from me. For one, in late October, I took 13 of my closest friends to see a debut of the play, Morris Micklewhite and the Tangerine Dress, which is about a grade school boy who wants to be an astronaut and falls in love with a tangerine-colored dress as his space suit. (Note: the play, based on a children’s book by the same title, was created by Children’s Theater Company, for which I am a board member.) It’s a delightful play about overcoming “Othering,” and about the possibilities that come with living authentically. The play will now travel to Kansas City and Chicago, and from there, who knows? Perhaps you might want it to come to your hometown? (My friends at the Bushnell in Hartford and at the Milwaukee Repertory, I’m thinking of you in particular…)
Also, last week I had the wonderful experience of a local Methodist church hosting a book club discussion about my memoir, Getting to Ellen. Quite unbelievably, nearly 80 people turned out to hear about the book and its underlying themes of love, loss, and the need to live authentically. I was so incredibly humbled by the outpouring of support and many hugs (some of which were accompanied by tears) that came my way!
Two factoids from that book discussion: first, I asked, “How many of you know someone—other than Ellie Krug—who’s transgender?” I guessed that at least a third of the hands in the room went up. That comported with my belief that there are far more transgender and nonbinary humans out there than anyone realizes.
Secondly, given that part of the book deals with the aftermath from my father’s 1990 suicide, I asked, “Who here has in some way been touched by another’s suicide?” This time, at least half (if not more) of the hands in the room went up. Seeing that broke my heart, and underscored how frequently people end their lives because of despair, addiction, and loneliness. (See this great article about how a human “interrupter” can change the trajectory of someone considering suicide.) If you or someone you know is to the point where suicide is an option, please call 988, which has trained professionals waiting to talk and listen.
(Also, read below in Pain about the suicide of a small-town mayor who was outed for wearing women’s clothes in private. How incredibly sad!)
Pivoting—because I just have to since my heart is hurting from the above—if you have any interest, on the evening of Friday, December 1, I’m going to be spotlighted as a “Zealous Hellion” in an interview at Mixed Blood Theater in Minneapolis. It’s sliding scale admission, and for sure, I’d love to see you (click here for details). Given how things are going (see the Inclusivity Tip below), it may be my last blast of “fame.” Ha.
Finally, please have a great Thanksgiving! I’ll be with my daughter at my brother and sister-in-law’s house for some cheer and great food!
Remember, I care about you!
ellie
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Have you ever felt regret at passing by someone in need? I believe that such regret is fueled by our empathetic heart, which screams, “What are you doing? Go back! You must go back!”
This NPR Unsung Heroes story demonstrates this exactly. It’s about Laura Eshelman, who in 2012 was struggling with mental health issues fueled by a failed relationship, a sour job search, and an eating disorder.
As she related, “I was leaving a downtown business where I had yet another job application rejected. I was feeling pretty down and decided to go to the Whole Foods across the street.”
Just as she got to the store entrance, she encountered a man who appeared to be experiencing homelessness. The stranger asked if she could spare any money. Laura replied harshly, to the effect, “I don’t have anything to give you. Just bug off.”
Once inside the store, however, Laura began to regret her interaction with the stranger. Laura said to herself, “What the hell have you become? Who are you?”
She left her groceries in the store and rushed outside to see the stranger, to whom she apologized and handed some change, which she had with her all along. As she gave the stranger the money, he took her hand in both of his and said, “It’s gonna be OK!”
Laura started to cry. “(F)or the first time, in a long time, I felt like somebody was seeing my own pain,” she said. After a few minutes with the stranger, Laura left and never saw him again.
The impact of those few minutes was something that Laura hasn’t forgotten in more than a decade. She said, “If he were here right now, I would love to be able to tell him that that moment on the street was one of the few glimmers in that extremely dark period of my life.”
I share this very simple story of kindness to reinforce that you never know when another’s kindness and compassion can have a profound impact on someone. It doesn’t have to be a huge gesture, either; rather, something small and sincere can leave an indelible mark that one might remember forever.
With this Thanksgiving, if you’ve been the recipient of such kindness, share about the experience with others, and like Laura, be grateful for it. I certainly will aim to do that!
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Inclusivity Tip of the Month: Being Brave in the Face of "Antiwokeism"
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I’ve noted on a couple occasions how the “anti-wokeism movement" has spread from Florida to across the United States. This has had real consequences not only for diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI) speakers like me (my 2023 bookings are down nearly 40 percent compared to last year), but also for communities at large. For example, just last week I spoke to a woman living in northern MN whose group had planned to attend Gray Area Thinking© in early October; the sponsor cancelled the talk at the last minute due to complaints about “things being shoved at us.” She was disappointed that something her group viewed as important for her northern MN community could get derailed so easily out of fear.
Three and a half years ago, following George Floyd’s murder, everyone wanted DEI learning opportunities to gain tools on how to finally rid American society of structural mechanisms that marginalize large groups of humans. Today, the pendulum has shifted to where leaders are afraid of making someone “uncomfortable.” Rather than deal with the one or two dissenting voices for the sake of larger positive change, leaders are now passing on doing any kind of DEI work at all. Indeed, see this story about how Florida has expanded a ban on DEI activities on Florida’s state university campuses.
The consequences of this are profound. Inequities and structural barriers—that we know exist—will remain in place. A dominant white, religious, straight, cisgender culture will continue to “Other” anyone who is different. In the end, we all suffer. (And by the way, don’t get me started on how very badly—“tragically” is a better word—things will be if the 2024 election goes a certain way.)
Here’s what I ask: be brave. Don’t let your leaders off the hook when they start to buckle because a minority of people make a ruckus over being “uncomfortable” with learning what it means to be “Other” in America. Demand that your leaders engage with their constituencies to move the needle to end historical marginalization. If they do it right, they can create a win-win situation for everyone, particularly if they focus on the fact that nearly every human (including even those who fear change) has a good empathetic heart.
Certainly, also reach out to me. I’d be happy to talk about strategies to push back against anti-wokeism and the fear that it generates! We must get past this!
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 | Since compassion for another isn’t simply limited to humans, this month we have two stories about compassion for canines. This one is about how a stranger adopted three pups set for euthanasia after their guardian was struck by a car while jogging; the guardian was (and I believe remains) in a coma, and she apparently didn’t have anyone in her life to step in to care for the pups until a stranger did. Then there’s this second story, which has me nearly in tears writing about it, of a Washington state utility crew that found an English cream golden retriever that had been shot in the head execution style. The pup, now named Trooper, miraculously survived and was adopted by one of the utility crew workers who found him. (The pup so looks like Jack; I simply cannot imagine…!) (See also this TV report about Trooper—again, he acts just like Jack!) Here’s also a wonderful NYT opinion piece that makes sense of Matthew Perry’s way-too-young passing and what he taught all of us about self-compassion. . | | |
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| | As I’ve advised before, I follow an incredible transgender blogger, Erin Reed. See this piece from her about a new survey that finds a whopping 76% of respondents believe that either parents or doctors should decide if a transgender child or youth should receive gender affirming care. Here too is a story about a Texas judge reversing a school district’s decision to cut a transgender student from the play, Oklahoma! And longtime Ripple reader and Ellie Krug champion John Anderson sent along this story of two-time Olympic winner Caster Semenya bravely facing “Othering.” On another note, the person who helped orchestrate that book club I reference above, Sarah Johnson, gave a sermon about Gray Area Thinking©, which she attended earlier this year. (Click here and go to the 29:30 mark.) The sermon beautifully weaves several themes, including how Aspen trees support each other! The fact that she talked about my work has me wondering if I’m doing enough to preserve a legacy. More on that at another time… Finally, the gift-giving holidays are coming up--why not give Getting to Ellen as a gift? (I know about 80 folks who recently enjoyed the book!) | | |
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Here is that story about the small-town Alabama mayor who ended their life after being outed for wearing women’s clothes in the privacy of their home. I don’t know if they were transgender or a cross-dresser (someone who doesn’t identify as female but gets satisfaction from wearing the opposite gender’s clothing), but it doesn’t matter. This person was a human who hurt no one! See also this piece about the new House Speaker Mike Johnson and his adherence to religious views that make no room for “Other.” (I know, I just deviated from my rule of not getting political; on this, because of the power Johnson wields, I felt compelled to.) The last Pain: Brett Stephens writes about the horrific rise in antisemitism in the last several weeks—see here in the NYT. | | |
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I’m a little short on Relief this month, so we’ve only got this clip of a kangaroo petting a pup and this collection of happy animals. See also this very cool video about paragliding—not that I’d ever try it! | | |
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One more dog story—this one about Finney, a Jack Russell terrier, who stayed at the side of his guardian on a Colorado mountainside for 72 days after his guardian died of an apparent heart attack. Finney was half his weight and still protective when rescuers finally found his guardian’s body—now that’s supreme allyship! See also this story of a father speaking out for his transgender child at a VA school board meeting. Here also is Ripple reader Pam Wentick’s referral to a University of WI-Madison interfaith statement about free speech, humility and respect in the wake of the Israel-Hamas war. And Ripple reader Bernie Saunders sent along this very smart piece about how parents of trans kids can be supportive. Lastly, check out this brand-new Netflix short documentary, “The Dads,” about six fathers of LGBTQ+ humans bonding over the love for their children!
Finally, I do many pro bono or low bono (greatly reduced fee) talks. A nonprofit, Human Ripple Works, Inc., exists for that purpose. If you would like to support this work, please click here on the HRW website. Thank you!
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Finally....
The Ripple is a work in progress, so please, I welcome your suggestions and comments! Please share this newsletter with others, too!
Please consider reading my book, Getting to Ellen: A Memoir about Love, Honesty and Gender Change; if possible, order it through your local bookstore. And, if your book club reads my book, I'm happy to come for the discussion via Zoom!
Thank you for helping to make the world a better place! I'm at your side, cheering you on, I promise! Please have compassion for yourself and for others.
ellie
Encouraging Open Hearts and Thriving Human Spirits
Human Inspiration Works, LLC: We make "inclusion" an action word
elliejkrug@gmail.com
www.elliekrug.com
www.humaninspirationworks.com
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Ellen (Ellie) Krug
319-360-1692
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