A friend once asked me why it was so hard to get people to participate in discipleship. He had good content. He served the best pastries and excellent coffee, but attendance was struggling. As we talked, we realized our definition of discipleship was centered around a classroom experience. Some people find a traditional educational process enriching, but many do not want to attend another class. We concluded that the way we thought about and presented discipleship was part of the problem.

Discipleship is the process where the Holy Spirit shapes us to be more like Jesus. It is hard, messy, and takes time. These significant challenges can either sabotage our efforts or create opportunities. Disciples can grow when we allow the Holy Spirit to develop relationships that create consistency and focus on intentional habits.

The Holy Spirit uses the church and the family.

The two most powerful influences on the earth are the family and the church. God created both to nurture and grow his kingdom. Each needs the other. Healthy, disciple-making churches do not exist without followers of Jesus shaping the next generation into followers of Jesus. The church can provide a community for encouragement as well as real-life examples of how to live like Jesus.

Discipleship is hard and messy.

Have you ever thought about the family problems God chose to record in the Bible? Consider the first family. Adam blamed Eve for the first sin. Eve blamed the serpent. Cain killed Abel. They were a mess. Parenting is hard. Families are messy. The biblical examples demonstrate that discipleship and parenting share parallels. God has a way of accomplishing his goals despite our faults. He uses our experiences to shape us to be more like Jesus.

Discipleship takes time.

Discipleship does not always lead to immediate results. We want a simple process producing quick results. Jesus spent three years living with his followers. They watched, asked questions, made mistakes, learned, and tried to live like him. Yet Jesus saw Judas leave the group to betray him. Peter denied knowing Jesus. The rest of the disciples did not know what to do after Jesus’ death. Their experience reassures me. We do not have to get everything right or always know what to do next. Jesus didn’t let Peter’s failure or the other disciples' abandonment end their disciple-making relationship. Jesus continued to love and help his followers.

We may not see the results of discipleship until years later. While we should learn from them, failures do not disqualify us. We often grow more like Jesus through the difficulties of life than through the victories. Becoming more like Jesus is a life-long journey.

Discipleship moves at the speed of relationships.

Discipleship means being with Jesus. The Twelve learned how to be disciples by spending time with Jesus. They discovered who he truly was, resulting in involvement in his mission. Simply attending a service or an event may be a good start, but rarely alone produces disciples. How can we as leaders create opportunities in smaller settings to discuss and implement God’s word into everyday life? How can we support each other through the difficulties, and allow for doubts and disappointments with our disciples? How do we help families in this life-long process?

Focus on intentional habits.

Love equals time. Make your time together count. How can we encourage families to spend time together helping them grow to become like Jesus? Pick one idea, try to do it with excellence. Start with a realistic opportunity you can develop into a habit. Which starting point fits your family best?

●    Mealtime

The consistency of eating one meal a day together helps both kids and parents. Multiple studies show improved communication skills, academic performance, self-esteem, and good behavior from table time focused on each other instead of phones.

●    Prayer time

Pick a time to pray as a family. Each family has a rhythm. Does before school or work, after school, dinner, or bedtime seem the most consistent?

●    Talk time

What feels natural? Do members of your family seem more open to talking at mealtime, prayer time, or bedtime? Don’t force communication. Look for opportunities when others want to open up. Younger children form this habit easier, but do not give up on older children or teenagers. Wait for the opportunity.

These ideas are not difficult. Sometimes what you do is not as important as doing something regularly.