\Mediation Musings: Optimism

Sara Barnes 

How and when and where did you learn about how to handle conflicts? Most of us have learned our personal conflict management approaches from the modeling of others. Throughout your life you were watching, observing, considering, and trying out new methods and developing your own style as a conflict resolver.

The idea is to trace your conflict learning history throughout your life, take a step back and see if you understand yourself better. “No one ever asked me to trace my conflict learning steps throughout my life. What an interesting process. I’m going to have my sisters do it with me when I see them over the holidays.”

This is not about judging or condemning. The question you are answering is this: What did you learn about handling conflict and who did you learn it from? You may find the Thomas-Kilman matrix (see below) helpful to name your approaches .

Trace your conflict history throughout your life, and see what you come up with. From early childhood, through school and young adulthood, to today, see if you can find your footsteps as a conflict resolver. Then, if you like, set a goal for who you want to become as you travel along this lifelong journey.

Here is a longer version of Musings for you to read.

LEARN ABOUT ALL THE SERVICES WE PROVIDE

• Youth Mediation
• Family and Divorce Mediation Program––PMP
• Housing Mediation
• Civil Court / Small Claims
• Re-Entry Program
• Workplace Conflict Mediation and Management
• Facilitation Services
• Local Consumer Advocacy
• Agricultural Mediation
• Conflict Coaching
• Financial Conflict Coaching
• Elderly and Aging Mediation
• Classes, Workshops, Seminars, and Training Programs

Check out our WEBSITE for details.

Community Programs info@mvmediation.org or call 508-693-2999

Housing Program admin@mvmediation.org or call 508-693-2199

FEATURED SERVICE:

Workplace Conflict Management

Sara Barnes and Kiki Homer

“It’s amazing how, even though we are all in different businesses, we all are having the same problems. The course work and interaction with my peers was most helpful.”

These comments come from members of MV Mediation’s Workplace Conflict Management cohort. Over 10 weeks each spring and fall, a new group of managers and supervisors co-create a supportive community, talking about a topic that many shy away from: workplace conflict. Each week, a member presents a case study focused on a conflict at their work. They describe the situation, suggest what kind of feedback they are seeking, and listen to the ideas of the other cohort members. With kindness, participants point out conflict management tools that might be helpful, notice patterns, and suggest rephrasing, or improved body language. The case study presenter leaves with lots of feedback and ideas to try out.



Members reflect on their own conflict attitudes––which approaches serve them well and which ones they want to work on. They learn to recognize their “hot buttons” and to practice techniques for regulating emotional responses by slowing down and reflecting, and they learn how to use constructive responses and how to listen carefully, to better understand. The glue that holds the whole thing together is the individual stories and dilemmas that participants share with each other. At the beginning of the course, class members pledge confidentiality throughout the course and beyond, knowing that privacy is so important on this small island.

Members share their successes, following up on situations described previously. “I kept quiet, I listened. I really tried to curb my judgment. And I didn’t take it personally,” one member reported back. The group gives lots of encouragement and congratulations. Knowing how hard it is to change habits and adopt new practices participants find easier to do with a cadre of others who are working in similar contexts.

In addition to working as a cohort, MV Mediation has experienced facilitators and mediators who can work with an organization and/or individual employees or coworkers one on one. These projects are tailored to specific needs. We have partnered with dozens of island organizations over the years and are very proud of our recent collaborations with a municipality and separately with the Agricultural Society. Together we hosted effective communication workshops for town supervisors and island farmers, respectively, with the goal of supporting managers and supervisors in creating a healthy workplace with positive approaches to conflict resolution.

 MV Mediation gains new insights with each cohort and facilitation project, there is always more to learn and think about. It’s an honor to spend time with groups of island leaders working to add tools to their conflict resolution toolbox. Visit our website to learn more. Our next cohort will be February 7, 2024. Sign up here!.

UPCOMING COURSES

People who take our courses say that their professional and personal lives improve. We offer a variety of themes designed to help you manage conflict better. Our Spring lineup of courses is coming soon. Workplace Conflict Management Cohort and Conflict Essentials begin in February. Intro to Mediation begins in April and Conflict Coaching will be next September. Click here for a complete Schedule at a Glance.

“MV Mediation has great courses! You should learn with them. Great people, and I had fun.”   ––One of our participants, after taking two courses

MV MEDIATION BOARD CORNER

The most recent Board meeting focused on our programs, reviewing our successes and discussed next steps to broaden our reach. The Attorney General's Local Consumer Program was a focus of thinking as this is a different type of alternative dispute resolution compared to our usual services. The Board thanked the staff and volunteers for their dedication and strong committment to our work

The Board has a ways to go to reach our donation goals this year. Can you help, make a donation in any amount here.

MAKE A DONATION TODAY.

Upcoming Events

• January 4, 8-10 am: Facilitating Psychological Safety in Teams with guest speaker, Camilo Azcarate, hosted by ACR-GNY
• January 11, 2pm: Networking Knowledge, a NAFCM Webinar
• January 18, 12-1pm: INP Leadership Learning Series--Navigating Economic Uncertainty in the Social Sector

This month’s links for your reading, listening, and viewing pleasure:

Preparing for the New Year:

• There's no better New Year's resolution than to become better at resolution
• 14 tips for a new approach to conflict management in the workplace
• 10 resolutions for conflict coaches and everyone else
• Holding family meetings as a way of communicating in the New Year
• Using mindful communication techniques for enhanced relationships
• Can emotions we view as negative lead to a positive impact?
• Lean how to build connections through curiosity.
• Using perspective taking to avoid communication breakdowns.

MEDIATORS’ CHECK-IN

Wednesdays at 4pm––all are welcome to join.

Zoom link: https://us02web.zoom.us/j/86378014243

*No Mediators’ Check-In December 27, January 3, 10, or 17.

• 1.24.24 Tips-working with your co-mediator
• 1.31.24 DEI – gender language document
• 2.7.24 Meet our terrific mediator--TBD
• 2.14.24 Conflict Coaching check in
• 2.21.24 Facilitation Check in 
• 2.28.24 Tips—When an agreement comes back after the mediation session
• 3.6. 24 DEI—Harvard implicit bias tests revisited
• 3.13.24 Meet our amazing mediator—TBD
• 3.20.24 Conflict Coach check in

Family and Divorce Mediators

• We are offering a course on family, divorce, and juvenile mediation on Mondays 4–6pm from March 11 to April 15, 2024. Click here for more information.

Why I Mediate

We love to hear feedback from our community.



"MV Youth Mediation is such an awesome addition to the social emotional learning in our third grade classroom. The lessons are engaging and relevant, and the students adore Gail [Gardner] and Kim [D'Arcy] and look forward to their visit each week. The conflict resolution skills taught throughout the lessons are essential to fostering emotional competence, constructive communication, empathy and collective responsibility - skills this modern world desperately needs to move forward in a positive direction. I am someone who is loath to sacrifice instructional time for "extra" activities - but in my opinion this program is not "extra" - it is well-executed, with clear objectives and expert instruction. I cannot recommend this program highly enough. Thank you [folks] for all you do. I mean every word :)"

-Tonya Katz she/her/hers Grade 3 - Oak Bluffs School

DEIJ+B: DIVERSITY, EQUITY, INCLUSION, JUSTICE + BELONGING

CONFLICT COACHING SERVICES

It can help you. Not therapy. Not advice. 

So, what is Conflict Coaching?

Ready to conquer personal challenges and emerge stronger in 2024? Our one-on-one Conflict Coaching is designed just for you. Our experienced coaches will empower you with the skills to navigate conflicts, find resolution, and pave the way for personal growth.



Why choose our Individual Conflict Coaching?

•  Personalized Guidance: Tailored strategies to address your unique challenges.
•  Self-Discovery: Explore your strengths and areas for development in a supportive environment.
•  Transformative Solutions: Overcome obstacles and build resilience for a brighter future.
•  Confidence Booster: Gain the tools to face conflicts head-on and emerge victorious.

Make your appointment today!

AGRICULTURAL MEDIATION

Martha’s Vineyard Mediation is part of a national network of USDA-supported farm, agriculture, and aquaculture mediation programs. If you know of any farms, farm stands, CSAs, or agricultural/aquacultural businesses, MV Mediation can help. Most services are free or low cost through USDA funding. We work with farms in Dukes, Barnstable, Bristol, and Plymouth Counties. Our brochure is here; please pass it on to those who may need these services.

FAMILY MEDIATION PROGRAM

Divorce, Family & Conflict Resolution

We offer help talking with your spouse or partner about divorce, parenting issues, custody schedules, financial decisions, and communication itself, and can help you to renegotiate existing plans. We also work with reconciling couples and those who have conflicts they need help to resolve.

MEDIAÇÃO EM CASOS DE FAMÍLIA E DIVÓRCIO

Divórcio, Disputas em Familia e Resolução de Conflitos

Conflitos entre marido e mulher, pais e filhos, problemas conjugais, com parceiros ou entre familiares, divórcio, custódia física e legal, planejamento para os cuidados do menor, visitação de menores, revisão do suporte financeiro e plano de visitação, divisão de bens e possível reconciliação.

info@mvmediation.org or call 508-693-2999

HOUSING MEDIATION PROGRAM

Conflict with a Tenant or Landlord?

We offer FREE MEDIATION for housing cases in Dukes and Bristol Counties and information about RAFT––rental financial assistance for back rent or moving out. Take a look at this article from the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau reporting about erroneous information about tenants being used and affecting homelessness and evictions.

MEDIAÇÃO EM CASOS DE MORADIA

Conflitos entre o proprietário e inquilinos?

Mediação GRÁTIS para qualquer tipo de conflito relativo a sua moradia nos Condados de Dukes e Bristol, e informações sobre o RAFT- programa de assistência financeira.

admin@mvmediation.org or call 508-693-2199

RE-ENTRY PROGRAM

Easier Transition from Incarceration to Community

Re-entry Mediation is FREE to incarcerated individuals (pre-release) and recently released individuals (post-release). For more information, check out our flyers for pre-released and post-released individuals.

IN-COURT AND COURT-REFERRED MEDIATION SERVICES

MV Mediation provides free mediation services for eviction cases in Bristol and Dukes Counties. We are present at District Courts in Attleboro, Fall River, Taunton, and Edgartown for summary process cases. MVMP offers free services for civil cases and small claims in advance of the court date. We are also qualified to provide in-court and court-referred services for Dukes County District, Superior, Probate, and Family Courts. We provide mediation for pre-criminal and 286 E harassment cases. Our Juvenile court mediators help with cases referred from the Juvenile Court. MV Mediation waives fees for cases referred by court or with an active docket number. 

WORKPLACE CONFLICT MANAGEMENT

MV Mediation provides support to resolve conflicts in the workplace. We provide workshops and develop conflict resolution projects with workplaces, nonprofit organizations, and municipal and trades workplaces. Our confidential Workplace Management Cohort for supervisors and managers is a popular offering.

FACILITATION SERVICES

MV Mediation provides facilitation services for groups, boards of directors, organizations, companies, and families. Neutral and confidential facilitation allows those who are attending the meeting to fully participate. If you need facilitation services, please reach out to discuss your needs. Read this article that describes how a facilitator can help you or your organization.

“We are in a much better place since we had a facilitator help us to pull things together. Thanks to the mediation program for all your help.”

 ––A recent facilitation client

SOCIAL MEDIA

Following us on social media is a great way to support MV Mediation! Connect with us on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn. This month we focus on stress awareness and its connection to unresolved conflicts. As always, don’t miss out on helpful tips about managing conflicts in our daily lives. You will also get the latest information about community events, workshops, and courses.

Connect with us on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn

THANK YOU, DONORS!

Thanks to all our donors who participated in MV Mediation’s Annual Appeal. We will make use of your contributions wisely. We really appreciate your generosity.



It’s never too late to donate!

DONATE HERE

Our Mission

To serve our community by providing education, outreach,

mediation, conflict coaching, facilitation,

and related services to help prevent and resolve conflicts.

Our Vision

To create an island of competent, capable, and

effective conflict resolvers.

Thank you for our donors and sponsors for your continued support!

At MVMP our slogan is We Can Work It Out. Would you like to borrow this slogan?

Feel free. You Can Work It Out! We are here if you need our help.

MV Mediation Program mvmediation.org

508 693-2999 Community & Court

508 693-2199 Housing