We usually start the LoveNote2 with all the events and activities going on in the area, before we get to the actual note. And, in thinking about why we do this, we started thinking about the purpose of the LoveNote2 newsletter. Our goals are to remind you to make your spouse your priority; help you find common interests; to encourage you to avoid things that pull you apart; encourage you to achieve oneness and improve intimacy; and, to prompt you to grow together in Christ.

It is important to have common goals in a marriage, but it is just as important to have common interests. Common interests hold relationships together. As humans, we try to spend most of our time with the people who like to do what we like to do; like to go where we like to go. Sometimes this is intentional and other times it's not. There are some moms who spend time together because they daughters are in cheerleading together; and, there are men who hang out because they met each other on the golf course and share this interest. Whenever I'm (Paula) in the community engaging in community service, I'm usually with my sorority sisters because community service is our common interest. Whenever Sherman is engaging in his favorite past time of watching sports, he is usually with a friend who enjoys watching sports. But, even though we have outside/different interests, we always spend most of our time together, doing something we both like. Or, we do something different in the same space, so that we are together.

Some couples spend every weekend together participating in children's activities, but don't spend time with each other. The children are their only common interest and when they become empty-nesters they are practically strangers, because they have never built a personal relationship. Building a personal relationship and bond is the key to a healthy, happy marriage. And, the best way to build this personal bond is to share common interests. You don't have to like all the same things, but you do have to like some of the same things. The common interests can be as simple as discussing current events, watching a television series together, discussing the Bible, visiting the sick and shut-in, leading a Sunday School class together, etc.

We often hear couples complain that their spouse's thing is not their thing. The goal in marriage is not to always do what we like to do; the goal is a happy marriage. Hence, I watch sports and attend some sporting events with Sherman. He watches Hallmark love stories with me on Saturdays. It's not about liking the thing, it's about loving your spouse. Developing common interests has been shown to decrease conflict in marriage. Working to develop common interests will deepen your sense of intimacy and friendship. The Bible places the concept of friendship front and center in the romantic love relationship. Solomon said, "This is my lover, this is my friend" (Song of Solomon: 5:16). Flashing back to the last LoveNote2....it's hard to be lovers when you are not friends; hence, working on your friendship will help other areas of your marriage.

We encourage you to start by establishing a regular, weekly date night. Try some casual, relaxed dates. Then, work up to some dressed up, fancy dates. Remember to hold hands, cuddle, kiss, and give each other compliments. It is also very important that you protect your date night from conflict, so stop any arguments before they get started by agreeing to talk about the issue, later. Mentally choose conversation topics that are upbeat and positive.

'Have a wonderful summer!  Happy Dating!

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