Music Notes 
LoveNote 2
  
  Couples' Newsletter
  May 2015
 
The Newmans

 

It's been a while since we've checked in with you about love and marriage, but we continue to be excited about love and we remain committed to marriage ministry. We have been co-hosting a monthly bookclub/potluck on the fourth Sunday of each month since January 2015. We are studying the last book in the FamilyLife Homebuilders Series, Managing Pressure in Your Marriage, by Dennis Rainey and Robert Lewis. We will complete the book on July 26, 2015. The first chapter of our study guide taught us that "making wise decisions is essential in resolving the pressures life brings".

Related to this topic, I want to share with you that I received a call from an ole' beau' via my Psychology Today business posting, a couple of months ago. Sherman and I were watching TV around 11:00 p.m. on a Sunday night when the call came in. We discussed the missed call. The following morning, I returned the call. Because I know the person is married, has children, and is pastoring a church, I dialed the number and said, "Hello, Reverend, I see that I missed a call from you lastnight. Is everything okay? Is there some type of emergency?" He responded by asking me if I'd forgotten his name in the twenty-plus years since we've spoken and inquired about why I was calling him "Reverend". I told him I had not forgotten his name (and thought to myself... I just want to keep you reminded of who you are). He then proceeded to ask, if he were having an emergency, was I coming to his rescue. Hence, the "Reverend" reminder wasn't working...his question was coy (playful) and flirtatious. I responded by asking him why he was calling. He explained that someone brought up my name and he thought he'd find me and see how I was doing. He asked why I was being terse and standoffish. I apologized and explained that I am married, with two children, and my husband and I are in marriage ministry and that I usually admonish couples of the dangers of relationships or friendships with old girlfriends and boyfriends. I asked how he advises members of his congregation via pastoral counseling and he shared his perspective which was...."if a person is going to cheat, they are going to cheat regardless of who they are in contact with on the phone or on or off social media sites"...."you have to be mature enough to have a friendship". He went on to say that he was "sorry I wasn't mature enough" to have a friendship with an old friend. I didn't take the "bait". I wished him the best and hung up. A month later a Facebook friend, former college beau' emailed me that he was impressed with my postings and proud of the woman I've become. He didn't make the comment on the posting, but inboxed me via my business email account - was this a simple, sincere, "I'm wishing you well" or "bait"... it's hard to tell. Hence, I responded with a polite "thank you".

I can tell by Facebook postings, pictures, comments, etc. that people have different and sometimes mixed thoughts about whether to be friends with ole' loves now that they are married. Some people are okay with being Facebook friends and not actual friends, some want to be both, and others don't want to be either. We (Sherman and I) decide together on a case by case basis, with the scripture, "....lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil (Matthew 6:13) in mind.

I think married people should avoid friendships with people they have had strong feeling for and/or a strong attraction to in the past. So, even though I came across as rude or upset with my old friend, I wasn't upset, I was protecting myself, protecting my marriage, protecting my children and protecting all the growth and progress I've made as a Christian woman. I am mature enough to understand and know what things, people, etc. I should avoid. It's dangerous to pretend we are not human, that we would never, ever be attracted to anyone else, or that our bond is so strong that no one can break it. Sometimes the danger lies in our flesh, but other times the issue/danger is even larger than our flesh. Ephesians 6:12, reminds us: "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers , against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms" (NIV). If you want to share your thoughts on this topic, please go to my blog, Candid Conversations with Dr. Newman, http://www.paula-candidconversations.blogspot.com and share your thoughts.

I'll end this note by sharing three principles to consider when making a decision about who to be friends with and all other decisions you make as a couple: Principle #1: Put God first (Matthew 6: 33), Principle #2: Obey the scriptures (Matthew 7: 24-27, and Principle #3: Seek God's wisdom together (Ecclesiastes 4: 9-12). Rainey and Lewis (1993) suggest that we seek the Lord together asking Him for wisdom, using the following steps:

  • Pray for guidance (Proverbs 3: 5-7)

  • Honestly evaluate your options (Luke 14: 28-32)

  • Seek wise counsel (Proverbs 12:15; Proverbs 13:20; Proverbs 15:22)

  • Decide which of your choices is the wisest and commit your decision together to God 

 

Love, Peace, and Happiness,

 

 

 

Paula and Sherman Newman


 


 

Love Lesson

  

 Black older couple

 

Love Song Favorites (Suggestions for you to download and enjoy as a couple):

  • Best of Me by Anthony Hamilton

  • Guess Who Loves You More by Raheem DeVaughn

  • Hands Tied by Toni Braxton

  • Just to Keep You Satisfied by Marvin Gaye

  • March by George Tandy, Jr.

  • So Beautiful by Musiq Soulchild

  • You by Jesse Powell

  • You Complete Me by Keyshia Cole

  • Your Love Is by Calvin Richardson

  • So High by John Legend

  • Her Heart by Anthony Hamilton

  • Fortunate by Maxwell

  • Spend My Life With You by Eric Benet (featuring Tamia)

  • When I'm With You by Tony Terry

  • For You by Kenny Lattimore

  • If This World Were Mine by Luther Vandross

  • He Loves Me by Jill Scott

  • You And I by Avant

  • Whenever, Wherever, Whatever by Maxwell

  • I'm Yours by George Tandy, Jr.

The "new school" songs are Paula's picks; "old school" songs are Sherman's picks:)



 

 

Apps for Couples (we are not endorsing any of these apps, because we have not tried any of them ourselves, but we ask you to try them and let us know what you think:)

 

  • Couple- Social network for just the two of you; has a feature that will allow you to "thumb kiss"

  • Between- very similar to Couple

  • Avocado- fun, private chat for couples; exchange notes/texts; sync Google Calendars

  • Stayed Up All Night- a retro way to create and share mixtapes online

  • Pillow Talk- Play time ideas for busy couples

  • SimplyUs- create private 'to do' lists, grocery lists, calendars, etc.

  • Mint- for budgeting and syncing bank accounts

  • Kindu- for exploring sexuality with your spouse

  • Fix a Fight- suggests ways to make up after a fight; relaxation techniques, etc.


 

 
Date Ideas (Events)Beach Pic

 

 

 

 

    • Go to www.AmericanTobaccoCampus.com for information about Back Porch Music on the Lawn at American Tobacco Campus (free concert series) in Durham, NC

    • Saturday, May 30, 2015, 10:00 a.m.- 4:00 p.m., Historic Stagville to Celebrate Freedom 150 (commemorating the 150th anniversary of the end of the Civil War). Listen to historic interpreters evoke stories about those exciting, uncertain days; sample food newly freed people might have savored; meet US Colored Troop Re-enactors demonstrating the tactics that helped them win liberty for their kin, at Historic Stagville, 5828 Old Oxford Road, Durham, NC 27712. See www.stagville.org for details.

    • Saturday, May 30, 2015, 7:30 p.m., Morris Day and The Time and Special Guest Sheila E., at the Red Hat Amphitheater, 500 S. McDowell Street, Raleigh, NC 27601. See www.redhatamphitheater.com   

    • Saturday, May 30, 2015, 6:00 p.m., An Evening of Praise with Fred Hammond, at the Duke Energy Center for the Performing Arts Memorial Auditorium, Raleigh, NC. See www.dukeenergycenterraleigh.com  

    • Tuesday, June 2, 2015, 7:30 p.m., Branford Marsalis and Friends with the NC Symphony, at the Duke Energy Center for the Performing Arts Meymandi Concert Hall, Raleigh, NC

    • Wednesday, June 3, 2015, 5:30 p.m., Al Strong Quintet at The Koka Booth Amphitheater at Regency Park, 8003 Regency Parkway, Cary, NC 27518. See www.boothamphitheatre.com

    • Saturday, June 6, 2015, 8:00 p.m., The Legends & Heavy Hitters of Soul 2015 starring Clarence Carter and Roy C at the Duke Energy Center for the Performing Arts Memorial Auditorium, Raleigh, NC

    • Friday, June 10, 2015, 7:00 p.m., Tim McGraw at Walnut Creek Amphitheater, Raleigh, NC. See www.walnutcreekamphitheatre.com

    • June 17-28, 2015, 8:00 p.m., A Few Good Men (Raleigh's Hot Summer Nights Movie Series) at the Duke Energy Center for the Performing Arts Kennedy Theatre, Raleigh, NC

    • Wednesday, June 17, 2015, 7:00 p.m., Dom Flemons performs at Music In The Garden (at Sarah P. Duke Gardens). See www.dukeperformances.or for more information.

    • June 20, 2015, 1:00 p.m.- 10:00 p.m., 11th Annual North Carolina Juneteenth "African American Independence Day" Celebration Celebrating the Ending of Slavery for 150 Years. There will be entertainment, food, vendors, health fair, exhibitors, and a kid's zone, Downtown Durham, NC on East Main Street. See www.spectacularmag.com for details.

    • June 20, 21, &26; July 3, 10, & 11, 2015- Groovin' at The Barn Dinner Theatre, 120 Stage Coach Trail, Greensboro, NC 27409. See www.barndinner.com

    • July 23 & 24, 2015- The Legacy Motown Revue at The Barn Dinner Theatre, 120 Stage Coach Trail, Greensboro, NC 27409

    • Wednesday, June 24, 2015, 7:30 p.m., Boyz to Men with the NC Symphony at the Duke Energy Center for the Performing Arts Meymandi Concert Hall, Raleigh, NC

    • Friday, June 26, 2015, 7:00 p.m., Gone Girl (Rated R), Movies at Moonlight at Koka Booth Amphitheater in Cary, NC

    • July 8-26, 2015, 8:00 p.m., Dreamgirls (Raleigh's Hot Summer Nights Movie Series) at the Duke Energy Center for the Performing Arts Kennedy Theatre, Raleigh, NC

    • Sunday, July 12, 2015, 7:00 p.m., Floetry with Eric Roberson and The Foreign Exchange at the Durham Performing Arts Center (DPAC) in Durham, NC. See www.dpacnc.com

    • Friday, July 17, 2015, 7:00 p.m., Tye Tribbett at the Crown Complex in Fayetteville, NC. See www.crowncomplexnc.com  

    • Thursday, July 23, 2015, 7:30 p.m., Sam Smith at the PNC Arena in Raleigh, NC. See www.thepncarena.com

    • Thursday, July 30, 2015, 7:30 p.m. Jill Scott at the DPAC, in Durham, NC

    • Friday, July 31, 2015, 7:00 p.m., The Funniest Friday Ever Comedy Show (Corey Holcomb) at the Greensboro Coliseum. See www.m.greensborocoliseum.com

    • Friday, July 31, 2015, 7:30 p.m., James Taylor at the Greensboro Coliseum, Greensboro, NC

    • Friday, July 31, 2015 at 6:00 p.m. and Saturday, August 1, 2015 at 12:00 p.m., Beer, Bourbon & BBQ Festival at Koka Booth Amphitheater, Cary, NC

    • Thursday, August 6, 2015, 7:00 p.m., Dead Poets Society (Rated PG), Movies at Moonlight at Koka Booth Amphitheater in Cary, NC

    • Friday, August 14, 2015, 8:00 p.m., Comedian Jim Gaffigan-Contagious at the Koka Booth Amphitheater in Cary, NC

    • Monday, August 31, 2015, 8:00 p.m., Keb' Mo' at the Carolina Theater in Durham, NC

    • Friday, September 4, 2015, 7:00 p.m., Rick Springfield at the Red Hat Amphitheater in Raleigh, NC

    • Friday, September 4, 2015, 7:30 p.m., Chicago and Earth, Wind, & Fire- Heart & Soul Tour 2015 at Walnut Creek Amphitheater, Raleigh, NC

    • Saturday, September 5, 2015, 8:00 p.m., 60's Legends with Charlie Thomas' Drifters, Sonny Turner, and The Tymes, at RJ Reynolds Auditorium, Winston-Salem, NC. See www.reynoldsauditorium.com

    • Tuesday, September 15, 2015, 8:00 p.m., Ms. Lisa Fischer & Grand Baton at the Carolina Theater in Durham, NC

    • Thursday, September 17, 2015, 8:00 p.m., George Benson at the Carolina Theater in Durham, NC. See www.carolinatheatre.com

    • Saturday, September 19, 2015, 7:00 p.m., Kelly Clarkson at the Walnut Creek Amphitheater in Raleigh, NC

    • February 16- March 13, 2016, The Lion King at the DPAC, Durham, NC

 

More Date Ideas:

  • Bahama Breeze, (Caribbean Restaurant with Live Caribbean Music on the patio), 3309 Wake Forest Road, Raleigh, NC

  • Tobacco Road Sports Caf?- Durham, 280 S. Mangum Street, Durham, NC;  

  • JuJu Asian Tapas + Bar (Asian Fusion Restaurant with outdoor sofas and fire pit), 737 Ninth Street, #210, Durham, NC 27705

  • Azitra Restaurant (Indian Restaurant- refined, white tablecloth venue), 8411 Brier Creek Parkway, Raleigh, NC 27617

  • Counting House, 111 Corcoran Street, Durham, NC 27701

  • The Parlour (Handmade ice cream shop), 117 Market Street, Durham, NC

  • Herons (the signature restaurant of The Umstead Hotel and Spa), 100 Woodland Pond Drive, Cary, NC 27513

  • American Tobacco Campus (rocking chairs around the beautiful water feature, chess game, hammocks, fire pit, restaurants), 318 Blackwell Street, Durham, NC 27701

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Contact Information
Sherman and Paula Newman, 919-730-1107 or lovenote2@hotmail.com