June 28, 2023

Quote of the Week:

"Kindness can transform someone's dark moment with a blaze of light.

You'll never know how much your caring matters."

– Amy Leigh Mercree

Whether you became a caregiver gradually, or all the sudden due to a crisis. Whether you are a caregiver willingly, or by default, many unwanted emotions surface when you take on the job of caregiving. 

If only we were perfect, we would not feel:

Ambivalence: Wanting-not wanting to be a caregiver. Allow yourself to feel both sets of feelings…there will be good days, and not-so-good days. These feelings will not last, just as the clouds passing over the sun.

Anger: Anger and frustration are normal parts of being around someone who needs help on an ongoing basis, who might not be accepting of that help. It’s not always possible to be in perfect control of your emotions…anger “just comes out” sometimes. Forgive yourself. Walk away. Give yourself a “time out” sometimes. Call a caregiver friend who will listen to you vent, and “get it out of your system.” Anger can evaporate when we give it a “voice” instead of taking it out on others.

Anxiety: Feeling like things are out of control and not knowing how to bring them back into control can produce feelings of anxiousness. Anxiety can present as a short fuse, an impulse to run away, experience heart palpitations, difficulty sleeping, or have an urge to cry. Stop. Breathe (3 deep inhales, at least). Take a walk. Make some tea. Give yourself a hug, (really).

Boredom: It is easy to become bored when you're stuck at home taking care of someone else and not doing the things that fulfill your own wants and needs. Respite can help. A few hours away to socialize, take a walk, go shopping. Planning “down time” when you can read a book or do an art project being mindful to have time for yourself. Precious “me” time can help increase your resiliency and patience.

Crankiness, Irritability: When tired or stressed out, it is harder to stay in control of things we say and feel. It is essential to take a break, get some rest, keep a journal, talk to an understanding friend or professional to gain equilibrium. 

Depression/Sadness: As a caregiver you are at risk of depression. It can be evidenced as hopelessness, helplessness, difficulty sleeping or wanting to get up to face the day. Depression is treatable and should be taken seriously. Professional help is available, find a counselor who understands caregiving. Ask for help from friends and family. Exercise can help considerably.

Fear: “What if something happens!?” Scaring ourselves with the “what if’s” can be paralyzing and keeps us from enjoying the “what is.” Contingency plans are a must. Having a backup caregiver if something happens to you. Having a DNR form completed and posted on the refrigerator. Plan for medical emergencies. Contact information for relatives and friends readily available. When scared, it is helpful to talk to someone who can give you needed perspective.

Grief: Watching a care receiver decline, not being able to do the things that used to be easy and natural is sad. We also grieve for the care receiver, the person who used to be. And the altering of our relationship with that person. Anticipatory grief presents another form of grief that holds an “advanced” type of grief for the losses yet to come. We often need to grieve that loss daily, or it comes out as something else. With the presence and awareness of unconditional love, sometimes simple gratitude for what is present now can allay the grief of what is lost.  

Guilt: Guilt is very common among caregivers, guilt that you’re not doing enough, that you should be better at it, that you just want it all to end. We set an impossible standard for ourselves when we fear we are not meeting your (or others’) expectations. If you fear that you are not doing enough, imagine if you weren’t there! Look at the difference you make each day. Be kind to yourself.  

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helping them to meet the challenges of aging with more joy and better health.

DayBreak is here to assist seniors and caregivers in need.

If you know a senior who might benefit from our care and coordination services,

or a caregiver in need of support, please have them contact us at

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