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Ronawk
One of our least favorite names of the year does not seem to be an impediment to its bearer's success – Ronawk just brought in another $6.5M.
We choose to believe their investors only learned of the company by reading our newsletter, thus their bad name is the very reason they got funded, thus everyone should name their company something bad, thus giving us infinite content, thus leading to more investment money.
Flywheel, baby!
Marriage of Convenience
Some people spend too much time at the office. You might say they become married to their jobs.
Some companies play into this by offering services and amenities that encourage employees to stick around ever longer.
But Genexine went one step further and they make their company lecture hall available for weddings.
So, if you work at Genexine and also want the most depressing wedding possible, reserve that beautiful hall and get married at your job.
Dealers
Psychedelics companies are facing hard times. At least one has now turned to...dealing drugs. Seriously. Ceruvia has a supply program for eligible academic clinical investigators.
Pretty soon their business model will pivot to offering courses on how you too can get rich from the psychedelic business.
Team Roast - $60/letter
Always good to brag about your CEO's past success, but sometimes companies overplay it. In this case 4TEEN4 bragged about how their CEO sold his prior company, B•R•A•H•M•S, for $480, which came out to about 60 bucks per letter.
But the bastards edited the website a couple days ago and we have to agree that $60 million per letter does have a better ring to it.
BioCharger
Hmmm, a BioCharger sounds like a pretty cool product. Is it some bacterial reaction that can charge an iPhone? Is it a potential rival to Mr. Fusion?
No. It is a "health optimization platform that delivers four natural energies simultaneously". Oh.
Checking out the diagram, you got your tesla coil, your polycarbonate enclosure, a primary coil, and some more sciencey words all used to describe a machine that electricity runs through, around which you can sit with up to five other people and become electro-healthy.
All for the low, low price of $16,990.
Two please!
Team Roast - Anocca
If you're posing for your Board of Directors picture, you may want to stop yourself before wearing jeans or a t-shirt. Or a scarf. Or a leather jacket.
But if you're thinking about donning all those things, you probably have a mean late-life crisis going on, so go for it.
Green Alert
Lanyards have their place. They're a a staple at conferences and some people even wear them around the office. But one time you should consider shedding this accoutrement is for your formal headshot.
Seems obvious, but problems can arise when the cameraperson is afraid to speak truth to power. Then you're left with a CEO rocking a green company lanyard.
If You Say So
Local news piece in Tucson was absolutely gushing about the major backing a local biotech received. Only thing is the quantity of said backing was not made public.
So, how can a news report suggest the backing is 'major' without knowing anything about the quantity of the backing?
If we throw a $5 bill to a homeless person, could they write up a press release about BioPharmGuy's major backing?
Sloganeering
As subscribers to this…thing, you probably appreciate someone who is plain-speaking. We found a couple good company slogans that get straight to the point.
First, Slope Clinical busted out the simple "We Make Clinical Trials Boring" tagline, which is accurate and indeed desired for anyone running a trial.
Then we have Arc Technologies Group, bringing us: "Large enough to do it right. Small enough to give a damn."
Damn is probably the limit when it comes to entering the curse word realm...can't really imagine a scientific company popping a 'hell' in there. But hey, if you see one, tell us.
fka Notchos
Notch Therapeutics axed a bunch of employees, so what a good time for us to learn they call their employees Notchos.
Do you think Taconic Biosciences calls their employees Tacos? One can dream.
As for you laid off employees, guess it's Notcho job anymore. Hopefully you find something new soon.
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