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Having An "All In" Spouse
On February 10, 44 years ago I chose to get married again.
I had been married right out of college. Clearly to the wrong man for me.We had a simple divorce. There were no children or assets to deal with.
I had 6 years between marriages and had done a lot of work on me and what I wanted to do in the world.I was much more prepared for sharing my life with a partner then I had been the first time.
As John and I got to know each other it became clear we had a lot in common and a lot that was very different. What was in common were our basic values and our training as clinicians and social scientists.
Our commitment to others and our purpose in life were perfectly in sync.
As you can imagine I was no shrinking violet. One of my favorite songs is by Sheryl Crow; Strong Enough. One of the lyrics is
"Are You Strong Enough to Be my Man?" or in todays language "Are you Strong Enough to be In Relationship With Me"
If I was going to get married again I needed a strong person, one that was a warrior. One that would be behind me supporting me where ever I led.
John was undoubtedly that Person
(in my case Man). From the first time we met he was giving me props for contributing to him from an article I wrote. There is a funny story I tell about seeing him, for the first time, play Rugby. First of all he was always one of the largest and strongest persons on the pitch.
Secondly he led his team. But what really got me enrolled in his warrior ship was when he came off the pitch after the game ended. I must have looked very worried, he had blood all over his taped hands. He took one look at me and said "its not my blood" Yup I said to myself that's my person! It helped that he was a wonderful person and that I was falling for him.
I was not wrong. He was a total partner in everything; Work, parenting, our respective purposes and the purpose of our marriage.
He never wavered. For 44 years, when I looked beside me or behind me he was ALWAYS there! And so 44 years I can say marrying John was the best decision I ever made!
Hopefully we will have many more years but whatever the future I know he will be by my side.
Susan
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