May 28, 2024

👇🏽 What's Below 👇🏽

Beer Eater🍺

Wrong😔

Asteroids🎮

If you had one too many yesterday while somehow attaching mass consumption of alcohol to remembering our nation's war dead, I've got some good news: The Really Smart People at ETH Zurich have created a new edible gel that breaks down alcohol into acetic acid in the gut and helps prevent intoxication. Blood alcohol levels were reduced by 50% in studies on some really confused mice. Advocates say this stuff might also help reduce the damage alcohol does to our livers, but the mice aren't talking. Because of that, further tests are necessary before you are able to chase your 24 beers with a spoonful of this stuff. Patience, youngling.

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NEWS NUGGIE NO. 1

AI Unleashed

In what will be remembered as a turning point when the history is written on how artificial intelligence turned humans into its puppets, OpenAI -- it of ChatGPT fame -- fired its entire team dedicated to assessing AI's long-term risk to our species.

This group of Really Smart Planet-Saving People were dubbed the superalignment team, a weak attempt to give big-brained folks the same status at Batman, and were assembled just last year to provide a safeguard against the existential threats posed by the quickly growing power of AI.

Because, after all, what's the worst that could happen by scarily intelligence non-sentient beings that learn how to exist by devouring the entire course of written humanity in a few months?

It's time to play 'Higher or Lower.' I tell you about a home that's either on the market or recently was on the market and give you a price. You tell me if the actual list price or market value is higher or lower. Let's do this.

There's a fine line between a house that looks like a dump because it has weeds all over the place and a house that looks stately and sophisticated because it has the right kind of weeds growing on it. This one falls into the latter category, I would say.

The home is located in St. Paul, Minnesota, which is really great about three months of the year and really cold the other nine. It looks kind of like a castle, but with that Wrigley Field vibe. It was built in 1939 features a "professional kitchen," but presumably without the pay.

How much would you pay to live in your very own ivory-covered castle?

THE DETAILS

🛏️ 4 Bedrooms

🚽4 Bathrooms

📏 3,766 square feet

We'll suggest an offer of

$1,500,000

Is the actual list price higher or lower?

NEWS NUGGIE NO. 2

Dumb Muricans

People are stupid. More accurately, half the people are stupid.

I have long been an advocate for a Thanos-like halving of humanity, and now I have more evidence to support the need. A recent survey conducted by the RSPs at Harris and published in the Guardian revealed the following of the 2,000-plus who answered questions:

• 56% believe Muricah is currently in a recession. We're not.
• 55% believe the Murican economy is shrinking. It's not.
• 72% believe inflation is going up. It's not. In fact, it has halved from its 2022 peak.
• 49% believe unemployment is at a 50-year high. It's not. In fact, it's near a 50-year low.
• 49% believe the S&P 500 is on the decline. It's not. It's risen more than 12% this year alone.

Which is why you need to be really careful when you sign up to support "Get out the vote" campaigns. Until Thanos snaps his fingers, stay silent and let the dumb people stay home.

NEWS NUGGIE NO. 3

Video Game Hall

Asteroids finally got the recognition it deserved. The video game first released when I was a little Nuggie myself (1979) was selected as part of the Video Game Hall of Fame's Class of 2024.

Call me stupid ("Stupid"), but I didn't even know there was such a Hall of Fame. I am a strong supporter of the toy hall of fame in Rochester, NY, but I was this many years old when I learned about the Video Hall. And here's what's the coolest: It's located in the same place as the Toy Hall!

Beyond Asteroids, this year's class consists of:

• Myst
• Resident Evil
• SimCity
• Ultima

Nominees not making the cut were:

• Elite
• Guitar Hero
• Metroid
• Neopets
• Tokimeki Memorial
• Tony Hawk's Pro Skater
• You Don't Know Jack

Feel free to argue for your favorites.

PARTING ODDITY

Most of us have heard of Snakes on a Plane. How about Snakes in a Guy's Pants on a Plane? That's the situation that recently confronted airport security in Miami. The TSA said in a post on Elon Musk's favorite toy that a small bag of snakes were found inside a passenger's trousers. The post included a photo of two small snakes that were found in what appears to be a sunglasses bag. The serpents were turned over to the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission, while the man was turned over to those in charge of teaching a class on how not to be exceedingly stupid.

About Johnny Boy Marketing: Johnny Boy Marketing is a full-service freelance marketing agency designed around the mission “Great Work. On Time. No Hassles.” John has been in the professional marketing and communications world for nearly three decades, first as a newspaper journalist and then as a strategic communications expert well-versed in a wide variety of media. John has a passion for storytelling and is able to craft appealing narratives that are statistically proven to drive meaningful business results. He can be reached at johnagliata@gmail.com or 352-226-5852.